“During the late 80s, my Dida asked for my mother’s hand in marriage for her son. My uncle (husband of my mother's sister) knew Dida personally as they worked for ministries, and that's how he knew about the perfect suitor, who turned out to be my father.
My parents are both deaf and unable to speak. They chose to become a part of each other's silent world and tied the knot.
Despite the communication barriers, my parents found comfort, empathy, and love in their shared silence. Their commitment to each other through health and sickness is a testament to their support and companionship, navigating life's challenges without the need for spoken words.”
Nasif, who is 31 years old, was sharing his parents’, Haideruzzaman Al Siddique (Kallol) and Irene Ferdous’s (Chanda), journey together.
Growing up with deaf parents reminds Nasif of the film "Khamoshi: The Musical" directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali. The movie, starring Manisha Koirala and Salman Khan, deeply resonated with him when he watched it. It tells the story of a couple who are deaf and can not speak and give birth to a child who can hear and speak. This film accurately describes Nasif's experience and saves him from having to explain it in detail.
In their daily routine, his parents make adjustments to simplify tasks. They have solutions to manage all sorts of scenarios. As they cannot hear the doorbell, they installed lights that blink when someone presses the bell to welcome guests into the home.
“Whenever someone presses the doorbell, the connected bulbs light up. Ammu is the only one at home most of the time, so she could always figure out when someone was at the door. The lights were installed in the bedrooms, living room, dining room, and kitchen, making it easy for Ammu to notice them wherever she was. She spent most of her time in the kitchen and dining room, so the lights were strategically placed to always catch her attention,” he added.
Being deaf doesn't mean they're disabled; it simply means they interact with the world in a different way
During emergencies, his parents use video calls to communicate with him since phone calls are not an option for them. He said, “I am grateful for technology as it enables me to stay connected with my parents through video calls even when I am away from home.”
Regarding learning sign language, he elaborated: “For me, speaking in sign language was as natural as a child speaking to his mother. My father never had to learn it; it just happened spontaneously and organically. I observed and learned sign language effortlessly, without any major struggles or hiccups. It was a pretty straightforward and natural process.”
Learning against all odds
Praising his grandmother for putting effort into educating his father, he said his Dida was really focused on his dad's education. After Bangladesh achieved independence, deaf people were only allowed to study up to the fifth grade because there were no schools for them beyond that. So, his dad was taught at home. Later, he passed a special exam, succeeded in his matriculation, and joined the Fine Arts Department at Dhaka University.
When his father enrolled in DU, he was excited to study there. He was a bright student and was well-liked by the dean and his peers. However, there was one professor who took issue with him and believed that he did not belong there. He did not like Kallol making things difficult for him. Nasif's father endured the unwelcome and hostile environment until his mother encouraged him to leave DU. Despite this setback, he went on to earn a diploma in architecture and became the first deaf person in Bangladesh to hold a job in public service. He is now a sub-assistant architect at the Ministry of Housing. He designed many pieces of architecture, including the Meghna Bridge.
“Despite their inability to hear, deaf individuals really aren’t very different from anyone else. The main thing setting them apart is their mode of communication -- sign language instead of spoken words. Aside from that, their day-to-day lives and overall lifestyle mirror those of everyday people. I have met some incredible deaf individuals in Texas, proving the similarities far outweigh any differences,” he further said.
“It is essential to address some common misunderstandings about deaf people. The idea that they are somehow not ‘normal’ because they communicate in a different way is a complete myth. Also, the stereotype suggesting they're more likely to be angry or violent is unfounded and unfair. Deaf individuals have their own unique culture and customs. Being deaf doesn't mean they're disabled; it simply means they interact with the world in a different way.”
Kaniz Fatema is a Sub-Editor, Dhaka Tribune.
