What does “unconventional beauty” mean? It may refer to someone who, while not meeting conventional standards of beauty, has a compelling charm or attraction that makes them stand out. However, do we really use it that way or is it just a polite way of saying that someone is not pretty enough to be called beautiful?
Now let’s talk about the so-called “beauty standards.” What are these standards, who made them and why are we following them? Traditionally, beauty standards mean a set of criteria used to judge what makes a man or woman attractive and beautiful enough to be accepted in a certain community. Generally, people's skin colour, hair, clothes, and other body parts are the determinations of this notion. If someone looks a certain way, which is in line with these standards, they are considered to be beautiful. When someone does not fit these “beauty standards,” we tend to give them a consolation prize in the name of “unconventional beauty” -- like an old insult turned into a compliment.
One of my grandparents used to address me as his black diamond in a very affectionate way. Of course, the reason is quite obvious. And actually, I was not offended by it; rather I used to get flattered. One day, my father asked why he calls me a black diamond, he could just call me a diamond. What’s the need for this specification? At that time, I did not understand why he was saying that. Now, when I think of it, I realize the reason. It is because it automatically differentiates me from my siblings, as I am not fair-skinned like them. I guess that was something my father did not like.
Different countries have different beauty standards. Let’s stick to a Bangladeshi perspective; more specifically to our obsession with fair skin. The preference for fair skin in Bangladesh is rooted in historical and cultural factors, including colonialism, caste systems, and cultural traditions. Fair skin was associated with the ruling class and was seen as a symbol of higher social status. Moreover, media, advertisements, and popular culture reinforce this notion, influencing people's perceptions of beauty. This may be the reason for the popularity of whitening creams in Bangladesh.
The problem is not to mention someone’s physical attributes. The problem is to do it in a derogatory manner
This obsession is not only limited to women, even men are often subjected to this discrimination. Fair skin may be associated with desirable attributes by societal expectations and biases, which can result in prejudice or stereotyping against those with darker skin tones. Fair-skinned people's representations in the media perpetuate beauty standards that affect both men and women regarding work, education, and social relationships like dating and marriage. But of course, women are typically more affected by it. One common way of complimenting someone with dark skin is to call them “dark ‘but’ cute.” Why is the “but” necessary? This “but” is the crux of giving backhanded compliments and assigning unconventional beauty. This term can lead to the marginalization of particular groups of people by reinforcing exclusive and frequently unattainable beauty standards.
It is okay to find someone unattractive. However, finding someone unattractive because they are dark, fat, short, too thin, etc, suggests that the mentality is problematic and the expression is all the more so. We have been dealing with this mentality for long enough and it is still relevant. The problem is not to mention someone’s physical attributes. The problem is to do it in a derogatory manner. If you find someone attractive even if they do not meet those standards, you can just call them beautiful directly. What is the need of adding an extra adjective which may be defeating the whole purpose?
Some people might think that what is the problem in complimenting someone for being different. But are we really complimenting them? Not really; we are just stereotyping beauty and may be implying something other than pure compliments. Thinking that those who look a certain way are beautiful and others are not is problematic. It is also true that being conventionally beautiful helps a lot of people get away with things which others might not. Some people actually take pride in being conventionally beautiful. There is nothing wrong with finding oneself beautiful, but thinking they are superior for that reason is problematic. It is high time to stop normalizing problematic things.
Fateha Tun Noor is a Master's student, Department of Law, North South University.
