It was one of those SMS messages from one old university friend regarding another. Arthur just informed me earlier this week that our mutual buddy Craig had passed away in his sleep in far away Utah.
Sadly, as Craig’s life went through phases of ever deeper tumult brought around by a failed marriage, depression, and dependence on substances for succor, I had failed to keep in regular touch beyond the routine once a year or so exchange of perfunctory greetings. Yet, in my grief and regrets, what I recalled with the most vividness, was the idea of a university where, as a great English philosopher once said, a young man went to deepen his intellect and, equally important, broaden his mind.
See, for Arthur, Craig, and me, the broadening of the mind was precisely what had happened as we became friends on our Midwestern American campus. A Bengali, a Mormon, and a gay man walk into a bar … that was not a joke, but a reality in our case. Until that sophomore year of university, my perceptions of Mormons and homosexuals were, respectively, anchored in the typical stereotypes of cultish polygamy and moral deviancy.
Over the passionate political arguments and shared cheap meals, between heartbreaks and celebrations of papers turned in for As, steadily but slowly the perceptions faded and individuals bonded as friends. Many a battle of campus politics (quite intense but, unlike in Bangladesh, never ever violent) we fought on the same side, and a few on opposite ends.
I was welcomed in their homes, and they in mine. My first visit to Utah for the wedding of Craig’s cousin got me to see Mormonism up front and close: Normal, big families, clean living, dietary restrictions that make Islamic ones mild by comparison, and generally nice, decent, educated people.
Later on, when Arthur decided to “come out,” I was proud to tell him that this changed nothing about our friendship; I was and am socially conservative, but my friends came before such considerations. As time has gone by, if anything, I have become even more intolerant of bigotry based on religion and sexual orientation: How a person worships or how that person engages in consensual adult relationships in private is not a yardstick to judge that person’s character or abilities.
My political and social mores have not changed; I have consistently, with very few exceptions, backed strong conservative candidates for office at every turn. What changed from my 19-year-old self to my 40-year-old self was the ability to see beyond immediate half-baked stereotypes.
None of us, not one single person amongst us, comes into adulthood without some baggage of prejudice of one kind or another; some such prejudice is more benign than others, but in some quantity it is usually there as a result of the formative influences of family, religion, and culture. Only angels could claim otherwise. Some of us are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to question our preconceived notions -- literally in the flesh -- through relationships weaved at diverse workplaces and university campuses. Amongst those fortunate ones, a few make use of the opportunity; many do not.
Much of the learning at a university takes place in classrooms and laboratories, but not all of it. The broadening of the mind dimension happens as often as not outside of formal instructional arenas where individuals interact with peers from very different backgrounds often for the first time. It is said that sunshine is the best antiseptic to the cloistered fears of the mind, and indeed it can be if we so choose. The freeing of the mind from its accumulated baggage of superstitious stereotypes maybe be the best kind of education one receives at a university.
Too many people in our world don’t get that opportunity. For those who do, it is incumbent to take full advantage of it. Unless some elixir of immortality or proof of reincarnation is found, we have only one life to live: It is an uninformed and wretched life to live in the shadows of stereotypes about our fellow human beings.
In this coming New Year, if you are at a university just testing the first glimpses of adulthood, my advice as a higher education professional is this: Reach out and find those unlike you in background, politics, culture, and religion. You may be pleasantly surprised how much you learn.
Get an education, not just instruction.
Happy New Year!
