Publish : 27 Dec 2021, 07:24 AMUpdate : 27 Dec 2021, 07:24 AM
In modern times, the world has seen a sudden surge in mental health awareness. We are finally beginning to realize its importance and rightfully so. In order for this rise of awareness to be effective, we have to couple this awareness with self-reflection. The better tools we have to evaluate ourselves, the better our assessment will be. The better our assessment is, the more we can grow every day.
The functional model of ego state is one of the most useful psychological tools for self-evaluation I have ever come across. The first circle (the top-most circle), represents the parental ego state, the second circle represents the adult ego state and then, the third circle represents the child ego state.
As you can see, there are further subcategories within the specific ego states. The parental ego state can be subdivided into two categories, the critical parent and the nurturing parent. The critical parent is judgemental, dominating, and angry. They like to put people down in order to assert dominance and control. The nurturing parent is loving, concerned, empathetic, and understanding.
We are very likely to inherit traits, behaviours, prejudices etc from our parents. An adult ego state is when one can respond to events free of these inherited biases. Being an adult, therefore, entails unlearning a lot of inherited prejudices and responding to events based on the facts we are presented with and not based on what we’ve been brainwashed with as children.
The child ego state can be broken down into two categories, the adapted child and the free child. An adapted child is someone who has developed their personality around parental oppression and repressed emotion.
An adapted child can be further broken down into two categories: Rebellious child and compliant child. A rebellious child is more likely to be disobedient, rebellious, angry and bored/easily distracted. A compliant child is more likely to be a people pleaser, lack boundaries, be unreasonably loyal (hold on to abusive relationships) and they are more likely to think of themselves as inferior to others.
This is something I found very surprising and fascinating. The compliant child and the rebellious child are both results of the same input even though their traits are polar opposites. These are both trauma responses. They are coping mechanisms.
The free child is someone who lives their life free of being burdened by parental oppression.
Now remember that these are character traits (all six of which are present to some extent in most people). These aren’t roles.
Even if you’re not a parent, when you’re being overly critical of someone whose lifestyle is very different from yours, you’re activating the critical parental aspect of your ego state. When you’re patiently listening to someone without any judgement, when you’re trying to be understanding, you’re activating the nurturing parental aspect of your ego state and so on and so forth.
The thing is, it’s as if the total sum of all these traits is always constant. Meaning, if one trait becomes dominant, the other one becomes less dominant. In my personal experience, this is an excellent tool for self-evaluation. You can make a rough estimate of the current percentage influence of all your ego states and compare it with how you’d like it to be.
Shams Ishtiaque Rahman is a freelance contributor.
How to know yourself better
In modern times, the world has seen a sudden surge in mental health awareness. We are finally beginning to realize its importance and rightfully so. In order for this rise of awareness to be effective, we have to couple this awareness with self-reflection. The better tools we have to evaluate ourselves, the better our assessment will be. The better our assessment is, the more we can grow every day.
The functional model of ego state is one of the most useful psychological tools for self-evaluation I have ever come across. The first circle (the top-most circle), represents the parental ego state, the second circle represents the adult ego state and then, the third circle represents the child ego state.
As you can see, there are further subcategories within the specific ego states. The parental ego state can be subdivided into two categories, the critical parent and the nurturing parent. The critical parent is judgemental, dominating, and angry. They like to put people down in order to assert dominance and control. The nurturing parent is loving, concerned, empathetic, and understanding.
We are very likely to inherit traits, behaviours, prejudices etc from our parents. An adult ego state is when one can respond to events free of these inherited biases. Being an adult, therefore, entails unlearning a lot of inherited prejudices and responding to events based on the facts we are presented with and not based on what we’ve been brainwashed with as children.
The child ego state can be broken down into two categories, the adapted child and the free child. An adapted child is someone who has developed their personality around parental oppression and repressed emotion.
An adapted child can be further broken down into two categories: Rebellious child and compliant child. A rebellious child is more likely to be disobedient, rebellious, angry and bored/easily distracted. A compliant child is more likely to be a people pleaser, lack boundaries, be unreasonably loyal (hold on to abusive relationships) and they are more likely to think of themselves as inferior to others.
This is something I found very surprising and fascinating. The compliant child and the rebellious child are both results of the same input even though their traits are polar opposites. These are both trauma responses. They are coping mechanisms.
The free child is someone who lives their life free of being burdened by parental oppression.
Now remember that these are character traits (all six of which are present to some extent in most people). These aren’t roles.
Even if you’re not a parent, when you’re being overly critical of someone whose lifestyle is very different from yours, you’re activating the critical parental aspect of your ego state. When you’re patiently listening to someone without any judgement, when you’re trying to be understanding, you’re activating the nurturing parental aspect of your ego state and so on and so forth.
The thing is, it’s as if the total sum of all these traits is always constant. Meaning, if one trait becomes dominant, the other one becomes less dominant. In my personal experience, this is an excellent tool for self-evaluation. You can make a rough estimate of the current percentage influence of all your ego states and compare it with how you’d like it to be.
Shams Ishtiaque Rahman is a freelance contributor.