Being one of two sisters, I have always been asked how many siblings I have, and after my reply the following question has almost always been “no brothers, only sisters?” This was so regular that it shaped my worldview, perception, and identity. Surprisingly it wasn’t something I only faced in my childhood but even now in my adult life.
It is a very common question with the same expressions following. My mother would face the same questions and get the same expressions but I don’t recall my father getting such queries. Whenever my mother was asked these questions and she would reply that she has two daughters, I would see pity in the eyes of the person who asked the question followed by something along the lines of “a son would have been better” or “are you still trying for a son?”
These questions came from people of diverse backgrounds as well -- urban-rural, women-men, young-elderly, different classes and religions. My mother would firmly ask why having daughters is a problem and those asking such questions would have visible confusion on their faces.
My father on the other hand used to get asked the same questions sometimes but his answer was followed by a different kind of motivation -- it was less of empathy and more of a “we have your back” kind of a situation for him.
All the while a five-year-old girl kept wondering “why is a son so important?”
A young girl, when she started understanding things, was taught that if she had a brother it would make her parent’s life easier -- how exactly, she didn’t know. To have parents who don’t let these words, these people, scar a young girl’s thoughts, self esteem, or even dreams are just a different kind of blessing which only can be realized by a person who has been scarred.
During my teenage years, the development idea of women empowerment came into play in the media and entertainment industry. Teens tend to get their thoughts, ideas, and perception from what they watch, the pop culture and media they consume. I wasn’t different. During my teens the world was going far and beyond to prove how daughters are no less than sons. Be it the Meena cartoon or government advertisements on BTV, it all summed up in this line of proving daughters are not less than sons. Which later took the form of “my daughter is my son.”
The media made me believe this sentence was a compliment. You’ve probably heard the phrase in South Asian TVCs, telefilms, and even movies. Mostly the idea was that a strong, independent girl is as capable of taking care of family as any son could. By default, this sentence says that daughters themselves are not good enough, calling them a son is a compliment.
At present, I am an adult who understands why a girl child isn’t welcomed as warmly as a boy child; why people, in South-Asia specially, pray for a boy child. A world where “sex selective abortions” are a reality, it is obvious why the gender of an unborn child is hidden in many parts of the world. An extreme example of this is our neighboring country India. Jayeshbhai Jordar is a 2022 mainstream Hindi film which deals with this very issue. In the film, the husband runs away with his pregnant wife and young daughter because his wife is about to have yet another girl child. The husband loves his family and doesn’t believe in these norms but the extended family and community demands a boy child by any means.
But isn’t it logical to hope for a boy child?
After going through my journey as a girl, if I put all the emotions aside, it is very understandable to expect for a boy in any patriarchal society. Property or money being the centre of this whole issue. Until the day the law enforces equal rights to property for women, till the day “carrying the family name” is not just a son’s job, till the day women are considered decision makers, nothing will change.
A woman or a girl is often considered a burden because women get married off to their “real home” and the families are unable to capitalize on their capacity and hence it is financially beneficial to have sons so that the property doesn’t go to any other family and the family can capitalize on that. This is an ancient concept that goes as far back as time itself.
We might feel the need to celebrate International Day of the Girl Child but the real issue remains the same, which is capitalism and patriarchy. The events related to this day might make many aware about the rights of a girl child, how a girl and a boy deserves the same opportunities and that a girl child is not a burden. But unless we work towards dealing with the big monsters, this day will only be celebrated in awareness, nothing more.
Simin Ibnat Dharitree is Social Compliance Developer, Social Compliance, BRAC.
