Knowing Abinta Kabir

“Ma is my role model. She taught me to love, respect, and honour family and friends, be grateful to Allah for all his blessings, and never take anything for granted. Work hard and do your best. To be a successful woman is a privilege which must be earned. Generosity is a gift not a weakness. My birthright as a Bengali should be worn as a badge of pride.” All of us who were blessed to have Abinta in our lives can hear her echo these words. Perhaps the sentiments seem like that of an old soul, and maybe in many ways she was wise beyond her years. But to us, that is who she has been since she was a child. A sensitive baby who could feel when her Ma was sad, and would always miss her Tutu (Nanu) and Nana back home in Dhaka. Who knew that Ma and Papa’s love for her went beyond the sky. Reaching the stars in heaven and coming down to earth to lift her into their arms. We are either taught to hate or to embrace the unknown. Abinta was taught to love, by her Ma. To help those who are less fortunate. Ma would tell her to be generous, to not waste food because there are so many starving children. Affection and caring were part of Abinta’s very being, because it was what Ma taught her, breathed into her ears as she slept in her Ma’s loving embrace. There were no secrets between these two kindred spirits. Abinta would say: “Hurting Ma is not an option. She is the only one who understands, and would be there through the good and bad, the pain, and love me no matter what may come.” Ma too knew in her heart that Abinta would always reach out to her Ma. Family was everything to Abinta. “Nana is my best friend. Tutu is the best cook. Pumpum is the most beautiful. Bilu has the most affectionate eyes and a big heart.” Sharing family meals was Abinta’s favourite as a child. Even when her feet could not reach the floor, she requested a seat at the dining table. With beautiful eyes and curly hair she would wait in anticipation to see what Tutu has cooked. Her doting Tutu would bring out the most amazing meals. Abinta brought joy into the lives of everyone she touched. Her innocence and appreciation of the smaller things made everyone around her realise she was special. “Americano” was the word we used to make fun of our Abinta. “No, I am a Bengali,” she would protest profusely with her quintessential American accent. When asked “why should we consider you as a Bangladeshi?” She would reply: “Because Ma and Papa and everyone I love is from there. And because I am Bangladeshi.” Simple words with great sentiments. What really made Abinta Bengali? Is it because she loved gorur maangsho, daal, and bhaat? Is it because she loved to wear sarees? Is it because she cried when volunteering with acid victims? Is it because she swore that when she grows up she will return to work for the people of Bangladesh who are less fortunate? Is it because she believed every child deserved education, food, shelter, and love the way her Ma gave her? Is it because she could not even leave a puppy stranded in the streets of Dhaka? Or is it all of the above, and her endeavour to be a better person? She embraced Bangladesh as a progressive nation willing to accept change. Willing to take part in globalisation. Willing to take the good from all over the world, and import those values as a part of our cosmopolitan society. Education, dedication, hard work, sincerity, tolerance, and acceptance were the paths Abinta took to make her mark. Her report cards in school and Emory College are a reflection of her diligence. And standing behind the shadows with great pride was her Ma. Spiritual growth, faith in Allah, the power of good was a personal matter Abinta only shared with her Ma and close family. After sustaining grave harm from a terrible car accident, followed by numerous injuries at various sporting events, Abinta’s faith was tested. So much physical pain would deter anyone’s belief in Allah but not this strong, young lady. She never complained. Holding Ma’s hand, believing that her prayers would ease the pain, and that was how she overcame such agony. Believing in Allah had a higher purpose. As a nation, we lost our innocence on July 1, 2016. We must keep vigilance that no more Abintas leave our beloved nation so soon as this one did. We say to Abinta and her Ma, in the words of EE Cummings:i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)Love always, Khalamoni