The power of friendship is immense. It can build bridges in a divided world. In a world often divided by differences, there exists a force that transcends boundaries, defies categorization, and nurtures the soul: Friendship.
However, today I am not going to address the role of friendship in international peace but in maintaining sanity in an insane world. Amidst the chaos and clamour of modern life, the significance of genuine human connection cannot be overstated.
Friendship, with its capacity to foster empathy, understanding, and support, serves as a cornerstone of our emotional and social well-being. It is a force that not only enriches individual lives but also has the power to transform communities and societies.
Societies that are community-oriented rather than individual-centred are ideal places for friendship. It is through friendship that we develop new communities, or associations. Friendship thus can be seen as building blocks. It is in schools and colleges where we meet and build friendship.
Even in a formal organization, say a bureaucracy, or army, you develop friendship. This suggests to me that friendship is an intrinsic, or innate quality that humans possess. In a transactional society, as opposed to a community-based society, friendship is non-existent. In some places, friends have been replaced by clients or customers. Every interaction becomes a transaction where gains and losses are of central concern.
A friend and a sociologist currently based in Australia once told me that a friend is someone who has had a meal at your place. I thought that was an interesting definition.
Once I was visiting Pittsburgh, my old place attending a conference. I stayed in a hotel for a couple of days as a guest of the university. Then my former teacher and friend took me to his place. He and his wife gave me their guest room and kept me in great company. Yes, I had all the meals there which strengthened our friendship.
Some friends are short-term friends, especially when you are transient without a permanent home. Home itself has become transient in a globalized world. I see home is where you are at peace and comfortable.
Modern society is highly mobile. With growing mobility, home becomes unstable and is defined by impermanence.
Friends are not just givers of comfort; they are also educators. We need assistance, we seek advice, we are sometimes helpless. Friends are our guides; providers of advice and they offer a helping hand when we need one.
A female friend -- not a girlfriend -- once allowed me to stay in her place when she had gone on home leave in France. As I collected the keys from the appointed place and found my way to her apartment. I saw a note saying that the wines have been locked in her bedroom. Later, she explained to me that wine has sugar and is not good for diabetics.
This is typical of a friend who thinks of your well-being. A good friend is a caring friend.
Over the years, I have lost a few friends. A female friend in the university days would often bring me gifts of pens and sometimes foreign cigarettes. Her husband was a pilot. In those days, smoking was a fashion and being seen with foreign stuff was a source of envy. Health consciousness was yet to set in.
The same friend many years later would feed us and our children as if we were a family. And we were a family indeed, until her demise last year. She would throw a big feast and made sure that we ate all the items that her kitchen crew cooked. She was hospitable beyond description.
Other friends would send us cooked food when we lived in Singapore. And we spent a lot of time taking our visiting friends and their relatives to hospitals and doctors. We often worked as translators, as some of our guests were not conversant in the English language.
Finding the right doctor for your guests was another thing that earned us new friends. The idea was to extend a helping hand. A simple thing like visiting someone you know at his or her hospital bed would bring immense joy to a person who was lonely and in a state of helplessness.
I learned this from my friend Nuruddin who went along with me to see my father in an eye-hospital in Dhaka recuperating from an operation. Now both are no more. Nuruddin was an early victim of the Covid-19 pandemic.
I lost several friends in 1971 during the War of Liberation and in the aftermath. Friends who were gunned down by murderous soldiers.
I lost friends who would come running in the late evening to take me to Dhaka Club for a meal or a drink. Both Tariq and Shahan would take turns. Both of them are deceased now. Nuruddin would take me to Gulshan Club for a sumptuous meal. I would reciprocate when they visited Singapore. Those were the halcyon days.
Friends help you grow. Life is beautiful with friends. I call my friend Badal in Dhaka almost every day to complain about something or other or share a joy, say anything that comes to mind, unfiltered.
A friend is one with whom you can talk without filters.
Habibul Haque Khondker is a sociology professor at Zayed University, Abu Dhabi who previously taught at the National University of Singapore.
