Staring at a glass of water, sometimes I wonder how I feel. Some days the glass is half full, some days the glass is half empty. Other days, I wish the glass had lemonade in it. Therefore, even if I felt the glass was half empty, the lemonade would be worth it. If you read the above carefully, you will notice that there is a very important message here. Have you figured it out yet? If you still can’t figure out what the message is, it’s basically this: “I love lemonade; get me some if we ever hang out.”
On that narcissistic note, let’s talk a little about current affairs. We are slowly starting to recover from what has recently transpired. No amount of words can help express the sadness I feel. What happened was an extremely traumatic experience for us, the people, and the nation as a whole. I would like to forward my condolences to the relatives of all the people who died on July 1 and 7. Yes I said ALL THE PEOPLE, and that means including the families of the terrorists. Losing your life is the ultimate price anyone can pay and I believe no one deserves to die.
Am I angry? Yes I am, in fact, I am furious at what happened. But even more so at how we are slowly succumbing to this fear. Instead of being collectively aware we’re playing the blame game. The most recent development has been the sad yet strategic targeting of students, among other institutions, of a certain private university that I will not name. You see, I have many friends from North South University (NSU). And they are doing an excellent job of representing our country both at home and overseas. Therefore, saying that NSU only breeds terrorists is the same as saying all our fruits and vegetables are formalin free. The bad may have been highlighted, but let’s not forget the good and stop with the stereotyping and hate mongering. All this does is create more divide between us in a time when we all need to be united.
I am done with the serious commentary so now let’s move on to the laid-back humour part of the column. As I feel the only thing that can help us cope with the current situation is a bit of laughter. Because laughter is the best medicine, unless you have asthma, then you need an inhaler…filled with laughing gas. And on that terrible joke, here’s a compilation of some one-liners that I have written, which are definitely much better than the one you just read. Here’s to hoping they help lighten up your mood and wish your glass was half-full or half-empty with watery lemonade.
Laid-back humour:
- In my mind, you are either married or happy. Never both at the same time, unless…you’re Saudi. Then you are four times happily married.
- Introducing a YouTuber as a comedian is like introducing Ananta Jalil as an expert in English. Because none of the introductions are true. They’re “PALSE!”
- When I was young, my father used to beat me. My sister never got hit though. He used to beat me so much that if he ever directed a sitcom, he’d call it How I beat your brother!
- Saudi woman in Saudi Arabia walks into a burqa shop asking for a coloured burqa. Shop attendant: “What colour would you like? We have black, dark black and midnight black.”
- My mom calls me fat and dark. I wonder whose DNA messed that up for me.
- Roses are red, violets are blue, I am schizophrenic, so am I.
- It is said that you can’t buy friendship with money. True! Every time I do a show I make new friends. And my client pays for it.
- Some of my friends say I can’t spell for the life of me. I want them to know, I am NOT yxlesdic!
- During an earthquake Most people: "Hurry, let's go downstairs! Let’s go downstairs!" My mom: "Let's go upstairs and see what's happening downstairs."
- Went to a restaurant and ordered a waffle and alphabet soup. Waitress asked me: “Are you a crossword puzzle expert?”
- What do you call a master in botching, breaking and stealing? The MBBS course for malpraciticing doctors.
