“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” ~ Audre Lorde Non-attachment
I notice in my yoga practice and also in that of my students' – that when there is pain (and there is plenty of pain in Ashtanga yoga) we tend to give up easily and look for something else. Consequently, where we find pleasure, we become attached to it. Like a pendulum; these two attributes hold us prisoner in a pattern of which we cannot break free.
Yoga advocates the notion of equanimity – the ability to not take sides or differentiate. This practice makes it easier for us to approach pain or pleasure much more objectively. To reach inner peace, yoga advocates becoming a passive observer to the storms and the calms that life may bring. The wisdom of yoga teaches us to cultivate a great deal of moderation, acceptance and patience.
Be your own superhero
We have set unrealistically high standards for ourselves in today’s capitalist world. We need to do several things to be classified as successful or smart. Look a certain way, be a certain amount of charming, outgoing, and fashionable. We have to have the ability to multitask, outdo our neighbour, and look like a model too, like we are superheroes.
(Only so that when we fail – we can feel like losers)
How many of you are true to your original self? I’m talking about the child you once used to be. And how many of you have lived to be your childhood’s dream self – an artist, a gardener or a nurse? We live our lives sometimes worrying about the next paycheck or expensive holiday so much that in our desire to achieve that, we neglect ourselves.
Self-love is a topic close to my own heart. For years I have struggled to understand and accept myself for who I am. At first of course I blamed my parents, then my teachers, then my friends and so on. Then I realised there was no one left to blame and it was all up to me to be that superhero and pick myself up off the rotting floor of self-deprecation.
When people come to my class and berate themselves for something they cannot do – even if it is their first class – I tell them to think about all the things they can do instead. We can be such harsh critics of ourselves and never stop to give ourselves the time to fail a few times, so that we can eventually succeed.
Unconditional love
Learn to accept yourself just the way you are, warts and all. Each time you pass by a reflection of yourself in the mirror, look deep into your own eyes and say “I love you.” Make it a daily practice.
Learn to connect with the child you once were and support him or her with words of affection and love. If you are tired, take a break and nap. Feed yourself with foods that give you nourishment and will support your health. Look after yourself as though you are an infant, speak to yourself lovingly and give yourself hugs. No, it is not silly to do this.
Keep this up for a few weeks and you will notice that life is changing. People start to be attracted to the light in you and they will reflect it in their behaviour towards you. If there is someone you severely dislike – send them thoughts of love instead. They will soon start to reciprocate.
Forgive yourself when you make a mistake and free your own heart by learning to forgive others. Do not seek approval from others and do not try to go out of your way to please anyone. Stop desiring “likes” on Facebook. Stop criticising yourself and others. Learn to either change things that you don’t like or accept them if you cannot.
Be kind and generous – especially to your own self. Set healthy boundaries for the way you allow others to treat you. Take responsibility for your own life and happiness. Laugh out loud. Smile at perfect strangers. Learn to be true to yourself and to love yourself as best as you can. Give thanks to life for every small miracle it brings your way and watch as many more start to appear.
The divine light in me bows down to the divine light in you.
Here’s looking at you kid.
