Match of the tournament
Spain 1-5 Netherlands. There is no simple way to describe what happened in Salvador as the reigning world champions and possibly the best ever international team were dismantled by the Dutch who exorcised the ghosts of the 2010 final in the most emphatic way possible. Their aura of invincibility was not just punctured but annihilated. The only downside? A raft of ‘think’ pieces which lamented the death of tiki-taka. Save me please.
Player of the tournament
Thomas Müller. Five goals, three assists and an impish presence on the pitch he may not have been the engine that powered Germany to victory but he was most certainly the axle, the gearbox and maybe even the brakes. As a false-nine he was devastatingly effective while also taking on midfield duties when needed. He may look like a teenage bible salesmen, but theres a steel to him which belies his tender age.
Goal of the tournament
Robin van Persie, Spain vs Netherlands. I’ve seen a lot of headers in my time, powerful ones, looping ones, ones that have been glanced in, precise ones in the corner of the net and even head and shoulder combinations. As van Persie went airborne I honestly thought he had lost the plot, little did I realise all he needed was a cape because his goal was nothing short of superhuman. I’ve never seen a goal like and probably never will.
Biggest disappointment
Italy. Having gone into the World Cup on the back of an undefeated qualifying campaign as well as an amazing run to the Euro 2012 finals I fully expected them to qualify from the group of death and challenge for a spot in the Semis. An unconvincing win against England was as good as it got for Parandelli’s men as they crashed and burned against surprise package Costa Rica and were clearly scared for their lives after being bitten by Uruguay.
The only highlight, Balotelli tweeting that if Italy helped England qualify for the second round he wanted a kiss from the Queen. He couldn’t save his own team let alone England and the world was spared the image of the Queen and balo together. God save the Queen.
Team of the tournament
Neuer, Lahm, Vlaar, Medel, Yepes, Mascherano, Kroos, Robben, Di Maria, Rodríguez, Mueller.
Surprise package of the tournament A tie between Costa Rica and James Rodriguez.
Most interesting off-field moment
The bite that launched a thousand memes. Suarez may be banned from all football for four months but he can spend that time parked in front of his laptop consuming the tsunami of memes he caused. Tim Howard deserves an honourable mention as his epic 15 saves against Belgium was also immortalized by the meme world. The most interesting off-field moment was the internet’s sense of humor.
Predictions for 2018
Russia to win the World Cup with Valdimir Putin and Sepp Blatter twisting their proverbial mustaches and repeating as Blatter said yesterday, “ When you speak about corruption, you have to present evidence...”
