The western sky was getting crimson bit by bit and the beauty of the setting sun was visible through the open window of my room. Its bright ray was getting feebler by degrees. The noise outside was getting quieter too. The remnant of the fading sun was coming through the window and illuminated the room dimly.
A flock of birds was coming back to their nests after finishing their daytime adventure. A mysterious calmness descends upon the earth at this time of the day. Sometimes the atmosphere burdens people’s minds with heavy thoughts. Such was my condition on that particular evening when I was trying to overcome loneliness by reading a book on the theories of suicide sitting on the couch.
I couldn’t but feel sympathetic for the people who have the guts to end their life so easily. The thought captivated my mind for some time. I was actually unaware of the passing time when suddenly I felt a slight headache. It descended on me out of nowhere. I tried to ignore it momentarily, but the aching sensation increased. I was about to get up when unexpectedly everything grew dark before my eyes.
It seemed the light grew blurred or vanished in the blink of an eye. Before losing consciousness, I felt that I was falling down. I had no idea how long I had been in that state or how I regained consciousness. After waking up I felt heavy inside my head as though I had woken up after a deep slumber. Gradually I became aware of my surroundings.
The sun had already set then. Looking through the window I only saw the dark horizon outside. After much toil, I was able to sit on the couch. It was difficult to discern anything as the room was faintly lit with the streetlight coming through the window. The silence was reigning around me. I tried to get up slowly and was still thinking about what happened. No doubt that I lost consciousness.
Was it because of physical weakness or the headache I felt earlier?
I cast a quick glance around me as if the answer to my question was somewhere around me. While looking around a dark object became visible to my eyes which was lying near my feet, the very spot where I had fallen down. It was difficult to distinguish the object from my position because of the darkness and to get a better glance I tried to inspect it closely.
It is difficult to describe the sudden jolt I felt inside my body when I recognized what it was. It felt like I was descending into a bottomless abyss. Fear gripped me from everywhere like an octopus. The impact made me unsure of my own identity because in that shadowy atmosphere I saw my own body lying motionless on the floor before my very eyes.
Kamrul Hasan is Assistant Professor of English, Dhaka City College, Dhaka.
