As the popular saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child, meaning, children need their family, friends and community members to raise them so that they may feel safe and protected.
However, we know that sexual violence is perpetrated inside homes, playgrounds, and other places which are often considered “safe.” For those of us who grew up in the 80s and the 90s, the majority of us are painfully aware of sexual abuse -- this happened often but we were not allowed to talk about it.
This is because the abuser was someone who we knew and trusted, and it would cause a rift in family dynamics if the matter got out. In most cases, children were asked to keep quiet about it, while the family member roamed free, without guilt or shame.
We have also seen a pattern of escalation in recent times; sexual abuse has escalated to rape and murder. Is this escalation in crime a surprise? Absolutely not.
In a country where keeping a family’s honour and respect is paramount, talking about a child losing his/her virginity albeit through a non-consensual way was something too dirty to talk about. The honour and dignity of a family still take priority over seeking justice for a violated child.
We have reached a stage where it is important to take stock of the mental state of the persons who do this and of the society that has allowed this to happen. As parents, our first and most important job is to protect our children. If that means outing a favourite uncle, grandfather, brother, cousin, or friendly neighbour as a sexual predator, so be it.
Children should be told that they can come and talk to us without shame -- if someone has made you feel uncomfortable, if a touch has felt unnatural, they should be able to say that out loud.
Sex education is still not part of our school curriculum and is not likely to be added any time soon. As pre-school aged kids are being violated and killed, at minimum, the lessons on good touch, bad touch should be included as part of their daily curriculum.
Teachers are not trained to spot trauma or signs of early abuse. Our country does not have a “working with children” certification, which is a screening process for assessing or re-assessing people who work with or care for children. This check takes a detailed look at the criminal history and relevant professional conduct findings of applicants to ensure that children are protected from sexual or physical harm.
So, we do not even know who we are entrusting our children with. Schools do not provide counselling service or complaint mechanisms in case something happens to a child. We are letting our children roam free and basically hoping for the best.
Considering how degraded our society has become in terms of values and morals, that is a risk we cannot afford to take.
We need to focus our attention on preventative measures. There is danger lurking in every corner.
First we start from home
I, as a mother, can be branded as paranoid. I watched my children like a hawk and was aware of their every movement. I did not even allow my children to ride the elevator in my building alone or go to the rooftop or playground alone.
Extreme, you may say -- perhaps. All I know is that I am grateful that I was able to raise my children -- from their childhood to adulthood -- abuse free.
This luxury of time is unfortunately not available to most parents.
Think of the homemakers who are busy taking care of everything and everyone in the house. She cannot be a helicopter parent. She might need the support from her children to run errands for her while she manages the housework. How will she keep her children safe?
She can teach them how to keep themselves safe when they are out and about in the community -- stay in groups, not to go to isolated places alone, not to go anywhere with anyone without letting her know first.
When us parents are not able to watch our children, at a minimum, we can give them the knowledge and tools on safety. Despite all precautions, if an incident does occur, children should feel comfortable coming to their parents to share their grief. The topic of sexual violence cannot be a taboo any more.
Then we go to school
Teachers are perfectly positioned to identify and prevent sexual abuse because they spend significant time with our children and can spot changes that parents might miss. Teachers should be trained to identify early warning signs such as shifts in behaviour, or changes in academics or physical well-being.
Behaviour: Sudden withdrawal, aggression, anxiety, depression, or loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities.
Decline in academic performance: Unexplained drops in grades, difficulty concentrating, or frequent absences.
Physical signs: Unexplained injuries or complaints of discomfort.
Sexualized behaviour: Age-inappropriate sexual knowledge, comments, or behaviours, which can be a sign of exploitation or exposure to abusive material.
Teachers should create an environment where students feel comfortable speaking up about concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation.
Encouraging age-appropriate discussions about body safety, boundaries, and healthy relationships enables students to recognize and report inappropriate behaviour.
Regular, positive interactions help establish the teacher as a reliable adult figure, making it more likely a child will disclose abuse to them.
Teachers should also be reminded of the importance of maintaining professional boundaries while interacting with their students.
Schools must adopt and enforce policies regarding one-on-one interactions, such as keeping doors open, ensuring visibility, and using only school-approved communication channels.
Regular training on recognizing signs of abuse, understanding grooming tactics, and knowing reporting procedures is essential.
Awareness campaigns on student safety are also important to create a culture of accountability. Collaborating with parents to reinforce safety messages at home and providing resources on healthy sexual development will also help in creating a safe space for children.
Schools need to establish a reporting mechanism which specifies protocols to inform authorities for taking swift action to protect children. Keeping detailed records of incidents is crucial for investigations.
Confide in a friend
Victims often fear reporting abuse to adults due to shame, fear of retaliation, or distrust of authority figures. Peers can provide a safer, more relatable space for disclosure.
Peer groups can help counteract the normalization of abusive behaviours or "grooming" tactics.” When peers collectively reject these behaviours, it reduces the power abusers have over victims. Peers can offer immediate emotional support and validation, helping victims feel less isolated.
There are, however, challenges with peer groups. Peer pressure can also force individuals into abusive situations. In some cases, peers may be complicit in the abuse, either directly or by staying silent due to fear or loyalty.
Sexual harassment and abuse between peers can become normalized within certain social circles. Also, victims may fear that speaking out will lead to further abuse or social ostracization.
To counteract these challenges, education programs that teach young people about healthy relationships, consent, and the signs of abuse can be implemented by schools. Students can be trained to become peer leaders to act as advocates for their classmates.
Counselling support and helplines
Helplines and counselling can play a vital role in preventing sexual abuse and exploitation by acting as early intervention points, educational resources, and support systems that disrupt the cycle of violence.
Many people call these lines not because they have been abused, but because they are unsure if a situation constitutes abuse.
Counsellors help callers recognize subtle signs of grooming, coercion, or exploitation that might otherwise be ignored.
Abusers rely on secrecy and isolation to maintain control. Helplines provide a confidential, non-judgmental space for survivors to speak out, which breaks the abuser’s power dynamic.
Counsellors are not just there to listen; they can assist survivors create safety plans. This includes locating safe places, explaining rights, and connecting them with legal aid.
We demand implementation of laws that help create a culture of safety, openness, and accountability.
Children have the right to live their lives free of trauma, stigma, and shame. It is our duty to be there for them. We have failed too many of them. This cannot go on.
Barrister Sajeda Farisa Kabir is an Advocate, Supreme Court of Bangladesh, Solicitor (NSW, Australia), and Senior Director, Social Integrity and Environment, SAJIDA Foundation.
