The cow is a prestigious animal

It’s that time of year again, folks. The joyous occasion of Eid-ul-Azha is upon us, and what better way to celebrate than by purchasing a cow for the price of a small island nation? Yes, you read that right.

“Status Agro” (the following account is entirely made-up but not that far from the truth) has set a new standard in bovine extravagance by selling a cow for a staggering Tk1 crore, becoming the talk of the town in the process.

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Just imagine: A cow with a 110-year pedigree. No, that’s not a typo. This cow’s lineage is more impressive than most people’s family trees. Sired by a world champion, this bovine aristocrat hails from the prestigious American Viet Noble Series. Apparently, this series is the cow equivalent of winning the lottery, getting struck by lightning, and finding a four-leaf clover all in one day. And the best part? Its meat is supposedly low in cholesterol. Imagine that, a cow that cares more about your cholesterol levels than you do.

Another cow, charmingly named “Sultan,” also fetched Tk1cr. Sultan is a 1,500kg behemoth with a black and white combination that’s apparently “royal.” Because nothing says royalty like a cow standing majestically in a muddy field. Sultan’s registration number, HD-164, is like a secret code in the bovine underworld.

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But wait, there’s more. Another cow was sold for Tk60 lakh. These Brahma cows are the superheroes of the bovine world. They eat less, grow faster, and their immune systems are practically bulletproof. In the sweltering heat of Bangladesh, these cows thrive. Clearly, these are not your average cows that chew cud and swat flies with their tails.

Witnessing cows worth crores being paraded around in the market while the average Bangladeshi struggles with rising costs is truly remarkable, especially as the current socio-political landscape of Bangladesh remains turbulent, with people barely being able to afford basic necessities. Yes, the prices of everything are soaring, but hey, at least we have cows with pedigrees longer than an especially long Dhaka traffic jam.

Speaking of socio-political conditions, isn’t it amusing that while people struggle to put food on the table, some are out there splurging on cows that cost more than an apartment in Dhaka? The irony is almost too delicious to digest, much like the supposed low-cholesterol beef from our crore-Taka bovine buddies.

Let’s not forget the 180kg goat that caused quite a stir. Sold for a mere Tk15 lakh, this 5-feet-3-inch-tall hashi was the belle of the Qurbani ball. Who needs a car when you can buy a goat that weighs more than your average teenager? The buyer from Dhanmondi must be feeling pretty special, owning what’s claimed to be the largest khashi in the country. Next thing you know, goats will be getting their own reality TV shows.

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Meanwhile, the rest of us mere mortals are trying to figure out how to stretch our budgets to afford a modest Qurbani cow. Prices in the market are as inflated as a politician’s promises, and finding an affordable cow feels like an expedition worthy of Indiana Jones. Maybe we should start breeding our own Brahma cows and hope they develop a taste for grass instead of gold.

In the midst of this bovine bonanza, one has to wonder: What’s next? Will we see cows with diamond-studded horns? Maybe a cow that can solve a Rubik’s Cube in under a minute? The possibilities are endless when you’re dealing with cows that have more historical significance than the Taj Mahal.

It’s a testament to the changing times that we now have livestock fairs featuring animals with “prestigious pedigrees” being sold for prices that could fund a small start-up. 

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Gone are the days when a cow was just a cow. Now, they’re symbols of status, wealth, and apparently, dietary health. Eating beef from a Tk1cr cow is like having a Michelin-star meal, but instead of a fancy restaurant, it’s at your backyard barbeque.

So, as Qurbani approaches, take a moment to appreciate the sheer absurdity of the situation. While some are indulging in bovine opulence, the rest of us will continue our search for a cow that doesn’t require taking out a second mortgage.

Maybe next year, these agro companies will introduce a new line of budget-friendly, low-cholesterol, world-champion-bloodline cows for the common folk. But until then, we’ll just have to settle for our regular, non-pedigree, high-cholesterol, moderately-priced cows.

Happy Qurbani, everyone. And remember, when life gives you cows, make sure they come with a registration number that you can Google. Because in the end, it’s not just about the meat, it’s about the prestige.

HM Nazmul Alam, Lecturer, Department of English and Modern Languages, International University of Business, Agriculture and Technology.