Our son Razin married a Japanese girl, Maiko Onozawa, within a few months of my arrival in Tokyo as Bangladesh’s new ambassador to Japan. There were more surprises in store – in another few months we came to know that Maiko was on her way to becoming a mother.
The news added a new dimension to my wife Jasmine’s millions of worries, which she was already saddled with – but I never found out why. She loves to worry about anything and everything. Her life is full of worries. She started taking personal care of our daughter-in-law, who was already living with us. She regularly accompanied her to the doctor and also started praying extra nafal namaz (prayer) for Maiko’s well being and for the baby inside her. She also offered alms back at home from time to time, the frequency of which increased every time someone in the family saw a bad dream. Everything was done for a healthy baby and for our to-be-born grandchild. Jasmine was happy to share the exciting news with everyone – family, friends and acquaintances. In the meantime, Razin and his wife moved to Kanagawa, a suburb adjacent to Tokyo, to be near the latter’s parents.
Finally it was June 4, 2008, and our first grandchild – a healthy and beautiful baby boy – was born, in the same hospital where his mother was born about 26 years ago. The proud parents of the boy named him after his grandfather’s job: “Taishi,” which in Japanese means ambassador. Taishi’s birth was not without event.
On that evening I had invited a number of top Japanese politicians, businessmen and socialites, which among others included the late Soichi Nakagawa (later Finance minister of Japan) and his wife (currently a member of parliament in Japan); and the top property tycoon of Japan Mr Mori (famous for Mori buildings) and his wife.
When our son called us in the morning to inform that Maiko was experiencing labour pains and that she has been taken to the hospital, we rushed over to the hospital while constantly praying to Allah that the delivery take place as early as possible so as not to disrupt my evening dinner, which was a very important event.
The time was passing very fast without any sign of immediate delivery. Jasmine asked me to go back home and ensure that everything was prepared for the dinner with the assurances that as soon as the baby was born she would call me. Within 10 minutes of my leaving the hospital, my wife called to give me the happy news of the birth of our first grandchild. I expressed my gratitude to Allah and also thanked our grandson for not spoiling our dinner. I asked the driver to go back to the hospital.
By the time I reached the hospital, Taishi was brought to the nursery where the newborns were kept, to check everything, before being taken to the mother’s room. My wife and son were standing outside with their gaze fixed on the newborn. My wife was radiating happiness, pride and joy, while my son’s reaction was somewhat puzzling. He seemed more nervous than excited. With the permission of the nurses, as I proceeded to have a glimpse of the newborn, I could feel the heavy pounding of my heartbeat as I was overwhelmed by deep emotion and excitement.
As I touched and held the baby, I saw a beautiful bundle of joy in the form of a tiny human being. I must confess, the feelings were completely different than what I felt when I became a father for the first time. I softly pressed the baby boy to my chest and whispered some verses of the holy Quran in his ear and recited azan.
At the dinner party at our home, later that evening, the birth of our grandson dominated most discussions while everyone showered us with congratulations and wishes for the newborn. Mrs Mori, who was sitting on my right and who was already a grandmother by then, told me something very heartwarming. She said: “Ambassador, it was really a great joy to be a grandparent. There is a special bondage between a grandchild and grandparent, a bond much different from the child and parent relationship.” She said this relationship is worth much more than having a lot of wealth and that one can feel reassured, though not consciously, that your genes would continue to live on and flourish. She added that while you are quite strict with your children for their upbringing, education and behaviour, there is a natural propensity to be lenient and show indulgence to the grandchildren. Equally the grand children also feel much more comfortable in the company of their grandparents.
As I was writing this piece, out of curiosity I browsed the Google website to see if there was anything on the subject and I was amazed to see a plethora of literature and writings on this. There have been numerous studies and researches to analyse and understand the grandparent-grandchildren relationship over the years, its nature and its uniqueness and how it impacted socially and individually. While the grand children learn a lot from their grandparents about life and social behaviour and the latter sometimes become the role model for the former, the grandparents also find in their grandchildren an unparalleled source of happiness and comfort. In fact, sometimes the grandchildren become the most important factor in the grandparents’ life.
For instance, former President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt cancelled a very crucial trip to Washington, months before his downfall, due to the death of his grandson. In Bangladesh too, I know a businessman who dropped a very important business meeting to accompany his baby granddaughter, who sustained a bad fall, to go to Bangkok for treatment. Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina’s sentiment on the issue is also very well known. In another instance, a mother’s relationship with her daughter became estranged over the mother’s attachment with the daughter’s three-year-old son. Similarly, the present prime minister of Japan, Mr Shinzo Abe, espouses much of the political philosophy, what he observed and learned from a close proximity as a little boy from his grandfather Mr Nobusuke Kishi, who was prime minister of Japan from 1957-60.
Our grandson Taishi started growing up in front of us. They again came back to our place upon my insistence. It was great fun and a delight to see him slowly growing centimeter by centimeter and also learning to be naughty as well as developing his own personality. I would never leave home without seeing or playing with him for few minutes and do the same upon my return. He also grew fond of the practice and looked forward to spending time with me. In fact he spent more time with my wife and me than his parents. Sometimes his parents found it extremely difficult to put him to sleep and then it became my job, which I did without much struggle. It was again me who could easily stop him from crying by using various tricks and tactics. Our bondage became so strong that the first word my grandson uttered was “dada”, though my son would argue that the word “dada” Taishi uttered was not meant for me but merely a baby’s blubbering. Nonetheless, Taishi became very fond of me and vice versa.
As my tenure in Tokyo approached an end, Razin and his wife moved backed to Kanagawa. We would visit them quite frequently and they would also do the same. When we didn’t visit we would talk to them, especially Taishi on the phone. One day after staying with them, as we got ready to return home Taishi demanded that he would also come with us. His parents of course would not allow that and asked us to ignore him and leave. We almost came half way to our house, when we got a call from Razin asking us to go back to their place as Taishi was crying nonstop since we left and he had become hysterical. We had to go back and found Taishi and his father waiting for us at their ground floor lobby.
As soon as they saw us, Taishi came running into my car and ordered the driver to drive. Razin also joined us while my wife went upstairs to spend time with our daughter-in-law. I asked the driver to give a few circles around the place and also tried to calm Taishi down. It didn’t take long for he stopped crying almost magically in my presence.
When Taishi became 14 months old his mother gave birth to another baby boy – Issa. I started calling him “Issa Khan” and now everybody calls him Issa Khan. Upon my retirement in March 2010, we left Tokyo for Bangladesh, severing our contact with our grandsons. By then Issa Khan was only eight months old and he was sort of deprived from getting all the indulgence from his grandparents.
Back in Bangladesh we tried to maintain contact with our grand children with all forms of communication system - phone calls, skype, whatsapp etc. In between we exchanged few visits. They also came to Bangladesh once. Nonetheless, we keep missing our grand children and wish if there were more frequent opportunities to meet and interact with them.
Although we are separated by a few thousand kilometres and are not able to keep so frequently in touch, there were never any sense of diminishing feelings or lack of love or sentiment for them. They are strong as ever.
I went to Tokyo last year and spent few days with my son’s family. The boys, who were now nearly 5 years and 3 and ½ years old respectively, became very excited and happy seeing me. They made plans to take me to various places of their liking, which usually were fun places for kids and I had no option but to oblige them. While I was returning home both the boys came with their parents to the airport to bid me farewell. Both of them became very sad and emotional at my imminent departure. As I entered the departure lounge after necessary formalities, I could see Issa was crying for me and was asking his mother why did I have to leave? I couldn’t hold my tears at the feelings of this little boy who had seen me for just a few days, and yet developed such an attachment to me. In the entire flight from Tokyo to Dhaka I was absorbed in the thoughts of my two grandsons, wondering what was this invisible bondage that brought us so close?
Again a few days back, when I was talking on the phone with my grandsons they kept on asking me when I was coming to Tokyo? I replied I was coming very soon and I would fight with them. Taishi was surprised and asked his mother: “How would dada fight with us? He doesn’t have a leg and he can’t run!” He then said, “Ok, I will present him with a real leg and then we can fight.” When my daughter-in-law conveyed this to me I was truly moved by the thought of how much these two little boys loved and cared for me.
The next day my daughter-in-law called to tell me what Issa Khan had done that morning. After he woke up from his sleep, he went straight to the room where I usually sleep when I go to their place to greet me, thinking that I was already there. As I was not there he started crying, asking where dada was. His mother asked him why did he think that dada was there and he responded, “Dada told me last night that he was coming.”
This is called blood connection; this is called grandparent-grandchildren relationship, a relationship invisibly but strongly bound with pure love and a deep sense of mutual affection.
We are immensely grateful to Allah that He has blessed us with two beautiful grandsons, a constant source of our contentment and happiness. Happy birthday to you Taishi Sameer Ashraf.
