I had first met Daman Singh a few years ago in Delhi, at a dinner hosted by our publisher. She struck me as a quiet and thoughtful woman, not keen to attract attention to herself. It was only later when I saw her being escorted out of the hotel by a posse of armed guards that I realised that she was someone important. She was the daughter of the prime minister of India. In a city where proximity to a VIP is a badge to be flaunted at every opportune moment, where the refrain “Jaante nahi mera baap kaun hai?” (Don’t you know who my father is?) is used so often that it has become a cliché, Daman was an anomaly. So I was surprised to know that Daman had written a book about her parents, “Strictly Personal: Manmohan & Gursharan” the sort of book that would invariably put her in the spotlight.
Strictly Personal is not strictly a biography of Manmohan and Gursharan. It is part family history, part personal memoir and reads like a novel. It is as much a story of two people as it is of a country that is struggling to grow. Daman is the observer, chronicler and occasionally a participant in the story. We start the journey in the village of Gah in 1932 when Manmohan was born, and ends with his becoming prime minister. For most of the journey, Manmohan is accompanied by Shanni, Gursharan Kaur, the girl on the bicycle from Nowshera. The book deftly weaves in conversations, anecdotes, extracts from letters and speeches and factual information to create a riveting narrative.
Daman, your last two books have been novels, Nine by Nine and The Sacred Grove. What made you want to write this book - a biography?
I am open to the idea of both fiction and non-fiction. My first book was a non-fiction one about the Forests of Mizoram. I am comfortable with the form of non fiction.
This book was motivated by my desire to really know my parents. We are a close family and I thought I knew my parents well. As I grew up and had my own child, I realised that knowing someone as a parent is knowing only one part of them. I realised that I didn’t really know the two most important people in my life. I needed to know them. I didn’t want to leave it until it was too late.
Your parents are seen as reticent people who don’t seek public attention. You mention in the book that while your mother was delighted about the idea, your father was horrified. So how did you get him to open up and talk to you? What was the strategy?
(With a mischievous smile) A bit of emotional blackmail and subtle questioning. I never asked questions directly. My line of questioning was subtle. I tried to be logical and structured. I tried to approach it like a journalist. My mother talks easily and freely. My father is actually open and happy to share but he does some natural censoring. I didn’t want to reveal everything in the book. The reader should also do some work!
What was the process of writing such a book? How would you decide what to write, what to leave out?
It was not easy. I got stuck a number of times. At the same time, it was wonderful. I did not put boundaries. I knew I didn’t want to write about the political part of my father’s life. I talked to my mother and father separately. Sometimes, their versions of the same incident did not match.
One of the books that influenced me was Vikram Seth’s Two Lives. The way he explored the lives of his uncle and aunt was beautiful. I wanted to write that way about people I cared about. I wanted to write with feeling yet establish some kind of a distance.
I know that can be a challenge at times. It is a delicate balance. You might want to be objective, yet is there really an objective point of view when you are writing a biography, especially about your parents?
You know, that is one thing people have said to me after this book came out, “You are not objective.” I didn’t set out to write an objective account. In fact, I started with a declaration - I will not be objective but I do have a story to tell. People say they want the truth but there are so many versions of the truth. I wanted to write my version of the truth. My sisters have a different recollections of certain incidents but this is not a family venture. I am speaking for myself. I have told my version of the truth.
We have heard “The truth will set you free.” How has that been for you? How has writing this book changed you or impacted you?
It has been very liberating. I have resolved a lot of issues. I feel cleansed, calmer. The book has bought me closer to my parents, not necessarily in a tangible way but emotionally I feel that I know them better. The book is not only about my parents but about a certain time in the history of my country. I think I have a better understanding of the world, of myself.
It sounds as though you have grown in many ways through the writing of this book.
(Laughs) Yes. I feel older and wiser.
You mentioned that you do know your parents much better now and it was one of the reasons that you wrote the book. What have been some of the insights you have had about them?
I had never realised it all through the years, but my mother has this wonderful quality of connecting with people. She has an enormous interest in people as individuals. She maintains relationships for several years. Though she is a housewife, her world is large. She knows everyone, even the milkman.
She probably knows about her children as well, doesn’t she?
Yes. And she does this without a conscious effort. It is who she is.
Your father is a public figure, yet not much is known about him as a person. What did you discover?
My father never applied for a single job all his life. His first job was offered to him. The role of RBI Governor, the UN job, the role of finance minister were all offered to him. He has never sought anything. He was always called upon. I am amazed at how much he has grown in knowledge and experience without actively seeking anything.
Do you think it has been in recognition of his inherent worth?
That is what he always says, “My work speaks for itself.”
Yet over the last few years, he has been receiving criticism from certain quarters. No one questions his decency and honesty, but there are several detractors in the media. How does he deal with unwelcome attention and negativity?
I think my father deals with it quite well. He reads it and thinks it over. He rationalises the implications and thinks about whether he needs to do something about that issue or not. He doesn’t brood over it. He is driven by his conscience and is not all that bothered. He moves on.
How has it been for you? You have written about the time in 1991 when your colleagues at the NGO where you worked shunned you and did not speak to you since they disagreed with your father’s economic policies after he became the finance minister. There is a line from the book, “In seminars and workshops, I lay low hoping that nobody discovered my parentage.” How did you handle being the prime minister’s daughter?
In my family, the news of my father becoming the prime minister was not treated with joy. We do get bothered. I get bothered both by the privileges of power and its downside. I try to block out the negativity. I have been determined not to let the symbols of power intrude into my life. I didn’t want it to change me. I didn’t want it to change my son. It is a restraint. People look at you differently. You don’t know where people are coming from. You start questioning every interaction. I think I just withdrew from the public arena. Actually, this withdrawal has helped me. It helped me in my writing.
Now that the book is out there in the public domain, how do you deal with the attention that comes with it? Do you have any anxieties?
I am anxious that the book does not get the wrong kind of attention. I don’t want the book to cause any conflicts. I did not want to offend anyone while writing this book. I don’t have many unflattering accounts of people. It is a quiet, thoughtful book and I want people to see it that way.
NThat is an unusual approach for a book of this kind. Normally, writers of biographies and memoirs want to sensationalise every possible snippet from the book to create publicity. Controversies and scandals these days are seen as important for book sales.
True. I do want my book to sell but I am not going to run after it. It is a personal choice.
The nature of the book is a reflection of who you are as well. Would you someday like your son to write a book about you?
DS- The book was launched on my parents wedding anniversary. My mother said that it is the nicest gift she has ever got. Many elderly people come up to me and say that they wished their son or daughter would write a book about them. I would definitely like my son to know me better. It may not be through a book but through a different way.
We are through with our conversation. Daman plans to write a novel next. She seems relaxed and relieved. I have, for a few minutes, been a part of the journey, been a part of the struggles, epiphanies and pleasures that she has been through to craft this gentle affectionate book.
