Some people seem like they are inherently good at listening. Whether at work or in our personal lives, they always have the right things to say at the right time and the right way. More often than not, this is not by accident. Being caring and considerate is something one builds up one available shoulder at a time, and having these values is not only about helping others but helping yourself.
These are the people who are in charge of their emotions. They are hopeful and optimistic and never get angry or stressful. Being in control of your emotions does not only make it easier for you to deal with people; it gives you the ability to weigh a situation calmly and find a solution, making you a prized decision maker. It gives you the ability to know when to trust your gut and when to rethink your choice. It also gives you a thicker skin, letting you take criticism well and work on self improvement with an open mind.
These are the kind of people who are self-aware, and able to understand the needs of their peers. They have a high level of what is called emotional intelligence.
What is emotional intelligence?
An increasing number of organisations today are looking at emotional intelligence when hiring new recruits or promoting employees side by side with technical ability, experience etc. This is particularly important for roles in teams, or roles that require public interface.
Living in a society means dealing with different personalities, values and beliefs, with different wants and needs. Being able to maneuver through this requires tact and understanding of others. Being able to maneuver through it successfully requires a lot of each.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise your own emotions correctly and understand what they mean, all the while being aware of how your emotions affect the people around you. Emotional intelligence largely involves how you perceive others; once you understand how those around you feel, you can work on the relationships better.
Having a higher emotional intelligence generally makes people more successful at anything that they do. There is a very simple reason for it – the person with the high emotional intelligence is the person everyone wants for a friend – or colleague/teammate/boss etc. Because having a higher intelligence means not getting easily angered or upset or offending others, these people get things done with much more ease and help from others.
Characteristics of the emotionally intelligent
The American author, psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman developed a framework of five elements that define emotional intelligence. He wrote for The New York Times for 12 years and his work is considered seminal in the field of emotional intelligence.
Self-awareness – Self-awareness is generally considered the most important part of emotional intelligence. People with a high emotional intelligence understand their emotions, and because of this, they don’t let their feelings control how they think or what they do. This makes them confident, because they have the ability to trust their intuitions and keep their emotions in check. These are also the kind of people willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Self-regulation – This is the ability to regulate emotions and impulses; people with a high emotional intelligence self-regulate and typically do not allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, nor do they make impulsive, careless decisions. In the simplest terms, these people think before they act. People who self-regulate are generally thoughtful, comfortable with change, vurtuous, and have the ability to say no. Motivation – People with a high degree of emotional intelligence can keep themselves motivated. This is because they are patient enough to wait for long term success instead of looking for immediate results or shortcuts. They are highly efficient and challenges motivate them further. Empathy – This generally considered the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you, just as self-awareness is the ability to recognise the same in yourself. People with empathy are good at recognising the feelings of others, even if these feelings are not obvious. This makes empathetic people excellent at managing important relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid making assumptions and snap judgments, and they live their lives in a very open and honest way. Social skills – It is usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, which is another sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are considered better team players. Rather than focusing on their own success first, they try to help others develop and shine. These people can manage disagreements and conflict, are excellent communicators, and are quick to build and maintaining new relationships.Going through this list of five virtues makes one thing apparent: emotional intelligence can be a key to success in your life and more particularly your career. The ability to manage people and teams, and delegate tasks is very important in all effective leaders. Developing your emotional intelligence can really give you the edge displaying your leadership skills in time for that next promotion, or job interview.
Improving emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence can be taught and developed. There are countless online tests and quizzes to determine your emotional intelligence, as a simple Google search will reveal. You can also find out from such a test the areas that may require some work.
You can also use the following suggestions to better your emotional intelligence.
Perform a self-evaluation. What are your weaknesses? Accept that you are not perfect and that you could work on some areas to make yourself a better version of yourself? Have people been telling you of any weakness all your life that you have been shrugging off? Having a high emotional intelligence means dealing well with criticism by welcoming them and letting them change you for the better. Pay keen attention to how you react to people. Do you often find yourself rushing to judgment or making assumptions before you know all of the facts? Look honestly at how you perceive and interact with other people. Try to put yourself in their place, understand where they are coming from, and you may find yourself more open and accepting of their perspectives and needs. What kind of person are you at work? Do you constantly seek attention or praise for your accomplishments? More often than not, people will like you more if you keep your successes to yourself and feel quietly confident about it. An emotionally intelligent person works to let others shine and not worry too much about getting praise himself. How well do you react to stressful situations? Do you become easily upset with delays or bottlenecks? Do you blame others or become angry at them, even when they could not have helped it? The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is a highly valued asset of those with high emotional intelligence. Keep your emotions under control when things don’t go your way. Take responsibility for your actions, both good and bad. If you offend someone, apologise right away instead of ignoring the situation or avoiding the person. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest attempt to make things right.Although technical know-how, intelligence and experience will always be important to success in life, emotional intelligence is key to relating well to others and achieving your goals efficiently. Emotional intelligence, simply explained, is an awareness of your actions and feelings – and how they affect those around you. It also means an ability to value others, listen to their wants and needs, and empathise or identify with them on many different levels.
