We employ a variety or combination of communication styles in our day-to-day interactions to make our point, convince, request, suggest etc. Simple techniques like using examples, allegories, anecdotes, hypotheses etc come so naturally to us that we never think about it. Similarly, there are a number of negative communication behaviours and styles that slip into our daily exchanges without us being any the wiser.
These negative behaviours get in the way of effective relationship building, networking and simple civility. At the work place, they are more noticeable and thus more reproachable. Eliminating negative communication behaviours is not an easy task. It means having to be aware of what you are saying, how, when and where you are saying it at all times. Heed the age-old wisdom, “think before you speak.”
Following is a short list of common negative communications behaviours or styles. How many of them are you guilty of?
Complaining
Continuous whining about the heat, traffic or your workload may all be different ways to break the ice or to find common grounds with another person, but you do not want to be known as a complainer. Ask yourself if you are always complaining about something or the other, and how interested others are to hear about it. This isn’t a difficult habit to eliminate.
Disagreeing
A number of people get used to routinely disagreeing with everybody. Whether you are right or not, try some tact. At work, during breaks, people usually make small talk. If someone says something you disagree with it is often best to overlook it than to turn your cafeteria into the parliamentary floor.
Disrupting
This is something all parents teach their children from an early age and yet a surprisingly large number of people never pay heed. Do not disrupt someone else’s train of thought. Do not start talking while another person is still talking. If you have something to say wait till the other person is done, or interject politely. Do not hijack the conversation.
Pushing
No matter how much more experience and wisdom you have than the person you are communicating with, nobody likes to constantly hear “should.” Stop telling people what they should or shouldn’t do. “Should” is a very patronising word, if you absolutely must use it, do so without talking down at anybody. If you have to correct someone’s way of doing things, there are ways to show them how to do things effectively without actually saying “You should do this.”
Seeking approval
Don’t incessantly look for approval; I had a colleague who would always ask what I thought after presenting an idea; but she wasn’t looking for my thoughts, she was looking for my approval, for me to say “That is great!” or “You are right.” If someone agrees with you, they’ll make it clear. Don’t engineer situations where you trap them into agreeing with you or flattering you.
