Some people are naturally gifted with the art of conversation. They can turn on the charm as effortlessly as flipping a switch and command the attention of individuals and groups. However, for a number of people, communicating with others does not come so easily. It is certainly not natural and when effort is made it comes off as trying too hard.
Both school and university curriculum are set up in a way that even introverted individuals will have to come out of their shell – be it through presentations, team assignments, debates, research presentations, etc. Since these are all a part of the curriculum one has no choice but to give them a hundred percent effort if one wants to pass.
But when we are older and starting our first jobs, our need to socialise, to break the proverbial shell is no longer motivated by passing a class or earning a grade – everything hangs on the balance. You can be the best at what you do but if no one at work knows you, chances are you will keep getting overlooked for promotions, uninvited to lunches and other office gatherings and not regarded as a team player. The motivation to become more forthcoming becomes fueled by the desire to succeed and move ahead at work.
Not everyone is a social butterfly; if you are more of a wallflower, it can be extremely frustrating and demanding to successfully get along with people at work events. You are in the midst of colleagues, some of whom you know but a lot of whom you don’t, and all seeking similarly self-interested outcomes; your only value is whatever value you hold for the person that you are talking to.
All these ideas together are overwhelming for an introvert. Following is a compilation of tips that may help you navigate the waters successfully through an office event, such as a dinner or a picnic.
Start the conversation earlier: It’s easier to use impersonal networking prior to an event; for example, email or message someone from the organising team with a relevant question such as expected dress code, if you can bring a plus one or directions to the venue. This gives you an excuse to start a conversation with the person who helped you, and also gives you someone who might introduce you to people.
Get online: The chances are that the event will have a Facebook event page or a message thread at the very least. For the morbidly shy, this is the ticket – use this opportunity to have relevant discussions online about the event. These discussions will be easier to pick up at the event than starting fresh ones. Furthermore, you’ll have somewhere to go back and talk to the people again right after the event.
Research: While this sounds immensely creepy, it is something we all do to an extent. Research the people that you expect or hope to meet at the event on their Facebook and Twitter; Google their names in case they have blogs or accounts on other social networking sites.
When you speak with them, they will not only be impressed with how well informed you are, but the conversations will flow easier than if you made a cold call and started talking with someone you don’t know at all. Also, people love to talk about themselves, and they will love you for taking an interest. Make sure you don’t get carried away with your “research” work; it’s a thin line between that and flat out stalking.
Prepare talking points: This is something that politicians, celebrities and anybody else in the limelight does. Prepare some topics of discussion in advance that are pertinent to the people you are going to be talking to. Discuss current affairs without getting too opinionated so as not to step on any toes; you can search relevant current events online and read up. Read different opinion pieces on the same subject.
Most people love to talk about what they think, or what they believe is right; ask them open-ended questions about their thoughts and opinions on an issue.
Find a counterpart: You are probably not the only introvert at work. Find someone you think is in the same place as you, and you can become each other’s personal PR agents. Simply having a friendly face beside you can boost your confidence while conversing with others. Additionally, during a conversation you can slip each other praises and talk one another up in front of others. You can also meet people individually and introduce each other to the new acquaintances. Having a partner is a big plus.
Do not be late: There is no fashionably late for work events. No one cares how swamped you have been all day. Arriving early means being there before people have created conversation groups. Once a conversation group has been created and it is heated up, it is not an easy task to break into it. Being early also allows you to welcome people as they arrive, which is the easiest conversation starter.
Juggle between conversation types: At any work event you will have two kinds of conversations – long and short conversations. Long conversations take place at low traffic regions such as corners, the terrace or balcony, smoking area etc. Short conversations take place at high traffic areas such as the washroom queue or around the buffet table. Both types of conversations have their importance and it is important to have a bit of both.
Take the initiative: Work events are not your average social gathering; everyone is there to get to know their colleagues better and you don’t get points for being mysterious. Instead of waiting for people to greet you, take the initiative and introduce yourself. Keep your first contact with people simple. Make eye contact, smile, say hello, extend hand for a handshake and introduce yourself it’s the simplest ordering of events for a first introduction.
Don’t hijack conversations: If there are more than four people talking in a group, the chances are that the group is already too full. If there are two people talking, they most probably do not want a third person shimmying in. Be mindful when joining a group for conversation.
Stand about an arm’s length away, listen to the conversation of the group and make eye contact with a friendly face. Join the conversation if you are invited, and if not, move on within a minute.
Make nice: Think optimistically and be sociable with everyone; everyone is at the event for the same reason as you, to get to know their colleagues better and hopefully further their career in the process. Everyone is a stranger before they become an acquaintance; the easiest way to look at it is to see everyone as a potential friend.
