Memories of the horrifying 33-hour-long BDR carnage in February 2009 still haunt survivors Col Md Iqbal Hassan, his wife and two children.
For Col Iqbal, who narrowly escaped death, witnessing the brutal murder of his colleagues during the carnage, what has become immortal is the fear, the haunting image of his dead comrades.
“Col Reza sir’s face is an especially recurring memory, because he breathed his last on my skin,” Col Iqbal told the Dhaka Tribune in an interview recently.
Coupled with the nightmares, Col Iqbal and his family now live in a perpetual state of fear and unease. His wife and two children, who were confined inside their house for 33 hours and caught between gunshots all around, now have a phobia of even the slightest noise. The soldiers had tried to enter their house, but luckily the family survived.
“Whenever I am on the road and there is a little chaos, I feel nervous,” said his wife, Sufia Sayeeda Hassan, an associate professor at Badrunnessa College.
Col Iqbal, who was at Darbar Hall during the carnage, had hid himself in a kitchen there. During his testimony at a special court which delivered a verdict on the accused on Tuesday, Col Iqbal recounted how he hid behind large pots as he heard his comrades being shot right outside.
Some, including Col Reza, Col Arefin and Col Zahid, who were hiding with him, were killed in a brushfire by the soldiers – a fate Col Iqbal missed only by a hair.
Col Iqbal, who says he was the last man standing at the scene, was lying on his left when the soldiers shot Col Reza, who was right in front of him. Col Reza dropped to the floor so close to Col Iqbal their noses were touching. “Even today, when I lie down on my left, I see Reza sir’s face in front of me,” he said.
Col Iqbal said he did not even realise until much later that he did not get shot. As soon as he realised he was unhurt, he left the hiding place.
“Even though Allah saved me, I have no joy after seeing so many deaths,” Col Iqbal said.
A special court on Tuesday delivered the verdict against 850 accused of violent crimes during the mutiny, of whom 152 were sentenced to death.
“This is one of the biggest verdicts in the world, and of course the authorities should be congratulated on the quick and successful proceeding,” said Col Iqbal on the phone following the verdict.
He also said while many were satisfied with the verdict, he felt sorry for the loss that the family members of the convicts would suffer.
“At the same time, the men we lost, the losses we suffered, are irreversible. It is a void that cannot be filled,” he added.
The BDR carnage, which killed 74 people in 2009, has taken away immensely from those who witnessed or survived it: comrades, family members, leaders, mental stability. What it has left behind, what has stayed on for the last four years – both within and outside of the borders of Darbar Hall – is, however, the fear. The fear that no verdict, no answer may be able to curb.
