Ever heard of the story of two best friends who had different genders, religions, skin colour, family backgrounds but despite it all, stuck together like two peas in a pod, without anyone judging them? Yeah, neither did we.
We’ve always been a nation that has never wasted a second to hand out a set of prescribed norms to our children. Anything outside these norms will be considered unacceptable and whatever sense of individualism our children may have, should be "curbed" as early as possible by transplanting our very own traditional values and expectations in them.
Gender stereotyping "Ma cooks and Baba goes outside in nice shirts," says four-year-old Anha. 12-year old Ishmam* tells us: "Girls should wear long dresses that cover their whole body. Only bad girls wear less clothes." She also says that girls should have long hair and should never cut it short.
Refayat, an eight-year-old says, "Boys are better than girls. They are stronger."
Different genders are expected to exhibit different sets of predetermined behaviour. These traditional gender roles require women to be subservient and shy, and men to be the breadwinners and go-getters. Daughters are taught to be ladylike and it's okay for them to express their emotional feelings and cry, but boys are taught to hide them, because they are emasculating.
Social grading Second grader Orin made new friends at school but she often plays with Sayma, the daughter of their domestic help. "Mom said it's okay to share toys with her because she doesn't have any of her own." But the neighbour's children are not allowed to come over when Sayma is home because they were told that she may steal their toys, recalls Orin's mother.
Religious division Ishmam* likes to cover herself. She described one incident at school when one of her classmates wore a dress and some of the kids started to laugh at how short it was. Ishmam advised the girl not to wear such clothes but what she said in return was truly amazing: “I will not laugh at your hijab, please don’t make fun of my short dress."
We sought expert opinion on the subject matter.
Is it important to teach children different gender roles? Structurally, all children's brains are the same, so gender roles are just something that is taught to them. It makes no sense to teach them these things in this day and age because everyone is equal. Gender roles are just something society teaches you, it's irrelevant in today's world. Instead we should teach our children that boys and girls are equal.
- Professor Shaheen Akhter, pediatric neurologist at BSMMU, Dhaka
What would happen if we didn't tell our children how to behave or think, and just let them grow up to be whoever they want to be? They will lack direction and wouldn't know what to do. Naturally, as a parent, I would want my children to grow up with similar values that I have, and I am responsible for helping them with their whole outlook on life. Wouldn't you restrain your kids from doing drugs? So asking them to behave and think properly will be a way to stop them from doing things that are in the wrong.
- Zahid Rahman, 42, father of two
