Parents are often their children's greatest supporters and critics, willing to go to great lengths to ensure their success.
However, this well-intentioned desire can sometimes turn into unhealthy competition. Unaware of the consequences, parents start comparing their children with others, which may make the children feel like "racehorses."
But by asking them to push the heaviest loads, parents leave children feeling inadequate, and this is where they begin to lose hope and feel demotivated.
It can also negatively affect a child's development and psychological well-being.
‘Why can't you be like them?'
Competitiveness is not always harmful. It can sometimes come in handy to inspire children to do well and develop themselves.
However, if children are constantly compared to others, it can hurt their self-esteem, making the wound difficult to heal with time.
Experts say this type of behaviour can make a child aggressive and hostile. It is also possible for them to harbour resentment, which may affect their development.
Experts' take on the issue
Professor Dr Nilufer Akhter Jahan, a psychiatrist, said comparing children with others should be stopped. "Comparison is a common method (for parents) to understand a child's skills."
"The boy next door scored 90 marks; Pinky came first in the singing contest! Learn something from them! Your intention may not be to hurt your child, but unknowingly, these statements do more harm than good," she said.
Experts believe that the tendency to compare children can put pressure on both the child and the person making the comparison.
This kind of behaviour makes even the most basic tasks difficult, and children develop an "I cannot do anything" mindset, as experts have noted.
It is important to note that each child's talents, interests, development, and abilities are different. Guardians, especially parents, can nurture and strengthen their abilities even more. Again, their talents can also be destroyed by their parents themselves.
How do children feel?
An eighth-grader, Fahad, said he feels sad when he is compared with others.
"When mom and dad scold me and compare me with my friends, I feel very sad. Mom says if everybody can do something, then I should be able to do it too. Maybe I am doing it, but they aren't ever happy. I feel really sad, and I lose interest in studying," said the 15-year-old.
Rabeya Islam, 14, told Dhaka Tribune that her parents usually compare her with others when she gets lower marks than her peers.
"Mom always scolds me when my grades are low. Other students participate in many school programs… I do not like them, but my mom doesn't understand that," she said.
She added that she also feels hesitant to converse with the individuals she was compared to.
"I feel like if I don't talk to them, my mom would not be able to compare me with them," added Rabeya.
Dhaka Tribune also spoke to several adults about the matter. These people, who were compared to others during their childhood, consider themselves "victims."
A person, requesting anonymity, said: "Constant comparisons during childhood can tear a child's psyche apart."
They added that if a child develops a self-doubt mindset during this period, it can have severe consequences for their future, potentially leading to a miserable life.
How parents see it
The situation has improved now, as some parents are beginning to comprehend the negative effects of comparing their children to others.
Rubina, a mother, said: "We think we will be able to teach our child a lot if we compare them to children who have accomplished more. But in reality, this is a misconception. Everyone is unique, and excessive pressure destroys whatever interest or aptitude a child may have."
Another parent, Asma Islam, said something different.
She said: "We are not comparing. Encouraging our children to talk about others is not a bad thing. This will increase their interest in doing better."
In this regard, experts said parents should try to understand their children's thinking patterns.
Children should be given space and time to learn how to engage in constructive thinking and make decisions based on it. This will develop mutual trust, respect, and love between the children and their parents.
