Q: I am 27 years old. My fiance constantly instigates me and picks fights
whenever we talk. He also has an anger management problem, and often insults
me in front of our friends. He gets particularly bitter whenever I talk to
my male friends. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to pacify our
relationship. But we have been through a lot so I cannot leave him. I love
him a lot, but I also expect him to trust me like I trust him. I don't want
to break off my ties with my school friends because of this. Please help me.
A: I will try to help you, but you may not like what I have to say, my dear! That which
is not good before marriage, only gets worse after marriage. This is going
to be an issue throughout your married life.
There! Did you read what I just said? Most people make the mistake of
believing they can change their partner once they are married. No one can
change anyone, so if you decide to go ahead, YOU need to take the
responsibility of knowing this. What you can do, however, is to accept him
as he is. Can you? Love is not enough: We go into a partnership with
people like us who have unresolved insecurities, and those very
insecurities play a big part into the fight we have with our partners. The
disappointments that arise after marriage are about us. This means, we saw
what we did not like in our future partner, but we ignored it, thinking we could change our partner.