Actor Azmeri Haque Badhan has traveled to a plethora of festivals since the glorious Cannes last year. Her commitments in the US kept her partly away from her daughter this Eid, but she got back just in time for Mother’s Day. Against her conditioned maternal urge to abandon everything and come back to Bangladesh at her daughter’s command, she instead explained to her little one how this narrative of the sacrificing mother is problematic.
Badhon told Dhaka Tribune Showtime she is focusing on her career now more than ever and isn’t apologetic about missing a few events with family if it clashes with her schedule.
“I'm under no illusion that I’ll get roles like Rehana Maryam Noor consistently,” she said. “I might never get another role like that considering the condition of our industry and how we view actresses in their late thirties. So, I’ve decided to travel to as many festivals as I can with RMN and I’ve groomed my daughter to be understanding of my current priorities.”
In February, Badhon paid a much-celebrated visit to International Film Festival of Kerala, India's leading cultural event. Later she attended two festivals in the US starting from April 14. Her tour of the states began with the cozy 7th Indie Meme Film Festival for South Asian cinema (April 14-17) in Austin, Texas, followed by a trip to New York for the New Directors/New Films Festival (April 20- May 1) where RMN screened as “Rehana” on April 29 at the Lincoln Centre and on May 1 at the Museum of Modern Arts (MoMA). The film also screened at IFFLA (Indian Film Festival of Los Angeles) on April 30, but of course, Badhon couldn’t be in two places at once.
During her travels, her daughter stayed home with her parents, who they live with.
“I’ve sacrificed a lot thinking I don’t want to leave her alone,” she said. “She’s only 10; so she can’t travel so much. My parents are taking care of her while I’m away.”
Badhon said she was a good student who could choose to be a dentist, but societal pressure to be the ideal daughter, wife and mother derailed her for the longest time for if one doesn’t put her career in the backseat, she is judged for being a bad mother.
“I thought I should sacrifice my life for my family,” she said. “We were influenced by this idea of an ideal mother. Motherhood is often glorified for the wrong reasons; sometimes to lock women in the house.”
Badhon said she didn’t get any support from her daughter's father mentally or financially. But after her global success as an actor and the fact that she is confidently juggling motherhood, people who humiliated her after divorce, now applauds her.
“Motherhood is a powerful thing, but I want to change this existing patriarchal narrative of it,” said the actor. “I tell my daughter that I’m an individual whose identity isn’t limited to being a mother and she has been quite cooperative.”
The pressure most young women face to become a mother is unfortunate, she says.
“If you’re not a mother, you’re considered by many to be a failure. It’s regrettable that we’re not always at liberty to decide if and when we want to be a mother. For a woman to not want a child is harshly frowned upon.”
She thanked her parents for teaching her to be honest, punctual and dedicated. She expressed gratitude towards her mother for raising her right so she developed the capacity to survive suppression.
“I can see now the injustices that were done to my mother- someone who had to sacrifice her whole life for us. If everyone did their simple chores, then one person wouldn’t need to take all this load on her shoulders. Instead of suppressing her with this Devi avatar, it’s better to humanize her first. A mother is not even considered the primary legal guardian of the child here. It’s time we question this opportunistic glorification that serves the oppressors to hold women back.”