There is a saying: “There is no situation so bad that you cannot make worse by losing your temper.”
How often have we been in situations where we made things worse by losing our temper? How often have we seen this happening to others? How often have friendships broken up because one party, or both, lost their cool and lashed out saying things that can never be forgiven or forgotten?
The newspapers are full of reports of wife-beating and child abuse, which are unbelievable, yet they were committed by otherwise loving husbands and parents.
It is obvious to all of us that giving in to our anger, instead of keeping cool, is dangerous. Those who have lost their temper have sometimes ruined the lives of others and their own. A moment of anger has often made people commit violent crimes.
There are at least a few fathers who have been imprisoned because they have severely abused their children. Yet there is no denying that they do love their children very much.
In quite a few cases, the offenders have confessed that they did not know what made them do it. It is obvious that keeping one’s cool is a quality to be cultivated.
A question now arises: Do we have control over our temper or is it something that cannot be helped? Can we really develop the art of keeping cool? Since some of us are bad-tempered and others not, it is apparent that the ability to keep cool can be cultivated.
Psychologists say that our behaviour is a result of conditioning. From our childhood and onward, those of us who cannot keep cool have allowed ourselves to develop a bad temper. We have done this by imitating the adults in our lives.
In addition, it is true that the sorts of behaviour we see pay off in real life are the ones that we end up cultivating. Considered in this light, it is possible that when we lost our temper and threw tantrums -- as children -- we received what we wanted, carrying that “lesson” with us into our adulthood.
We can consciously reinforce keeping cool instead of losing our temper. Whenever we manage to control our temper we should reward ourselves in some way or another.
This way the mind soon learns that it is more fun to keep cool than to lose our cool. Soon the tendency to lash out becomes less and less.
The rewards of developing a calm and cool nature are many, and we should aim to develop it. History is full of great men who have kept their cool in trying times and earned the admiration of generations.
It is well-known that a cool and controlled person can make better decisions and act better. Everyone wants to be such a person.
Ramisa Bhuiyan is a freelance contributor.