Allow me to share an anecdote.
Two friends were looking to move from their current residence to a new place. They saw a to-let sign and they immediately grabbed the opportunity to connect with the owner.
Now, as they were independent women, they earned a decent enough living to be able to choose where they want to live.
But the landlord had his doubts, which both of them were ready to face, as they already were quite used to such “doubts.” Usually, these doubts would hover around the topics of whether or not other people would be staying over, if they would make too much noise, if they would turn the house into a mess, or come home at late hours every night. And of course, the universal question: “Are you bringing boys over?”
However, this time, they had to go through more. Funnily enough, even after knowing that these ladies had been staying independently for quite some time now, these “demands” made were completely out of the blue for them.
“Are you sure you can pay the rent?” asked the landlord after 15 minutes of rigorous interrogation, which included queries about personal information.
“Why in our sane minds do you even think we would approach to rent a place if we are not capable of paying?” said one of them. By the end of the 15 minutes, she lost her temper when luckily, the bell rang, which ended up saving the landlord from her wrath. Seeing her best friend/flat-mate enter the room brought her some peace.
“I am so sorry, Skype meetings and this city’s traffic make for a crazy combo,” this is usually the other friend’s regular intro. To her surprise, however, even a crazier comment was awaiting her before she made her seat.
“Are you married?” asked the landlord.
“I beg your pardon?! I thought we clearly mentioned it on the phone that we are single, working ladies looking for a house. Why would we claim to be single if I were married?”
“I am sorry, I’m only asking judging by the way you carry yourself,” replied the landlord. I am not quite sure how exactly people are supposed to look and carry themselves after marriage in our society.
If I need to clarify it further, she definitely was not wearing a sari nor a kameez.
“Well, thank you for considering me old enough. I will take that as a compliment and proceed with more relevant matters instead.” Now, this was her way of always putting things into perspective. With a smirk, the landlord probably thought of containing his tone a bit before asking another round of questions.
This time, he too decided to get on point with his speech about renting the house to people who could maintain it, specifically “decently.” Yes, that’s the term he used.
“So, as your friend already mentioned that you can afford this house, she took care of one of my concerns. My other concern is the fact that I am risking giving out my house to two young and single ladies.”
“You need to commit that no male will enter the apartment,” the landlord said. Exactly what we all knew was coming, right?
“I beg your pardon, but I refuse.”
I get it. I understand all those concerns, that whole spiel about “being protective” and whatnot. But I still must ask: What exactly is so concerning about women in their mid-to-late 20s that they need to “commit” to a condition so utterly ludicrous?
“I understand your concern, but you are not dealing with youngsters here. You are talking to two adult and independent, working women. I am going to have my father, my brother, my nephews, my friends and, from time to time, my colleagues, to come visit me. And mind you, most of these people are males.”
“We live in a community where we have to maintain such standards. And, as the landlord, I have to be answerable if something goes wrong.”
“I am sorry, in case you missed what I just said about who you are dealing with. Besides, just to let you know, we come from families who live in the same community you are referring to. There won’t be any guys staying over, that I can assure you. We would prefer that to not happen as well. But I will have my male friends visit me. I am not committing to your demands, sorry.”
We can all take a guess about what happens next.
Except that this time, it wasn’t the landlord who refused, but the two friends who refused to take an apartment whose owner could not even respect the two ladies for being single and living independently on their own terms.
Now that I think about it, how much more humiliation do we have to endure to try and be independent individuals? As women, why do we still have to be answerable to men like these? And for issues as minuscule as these?
Are we actually considered to be so disgraceful to the community/society?
Sanjida Tanny is Initiator, FogHorn, and Founder of Contentier and Hiring.