So as I drifted off to Morpheus’ realms, thoughts regarding the end of the year morphed into the end of the world. Being Bangali, these, naturally, at some point, fused with thoughts of food. Thus, I came to a few conclusions -- if I were to turn into a zombie during some undead apocalypse in the future, despite being mindless, I’d need to keep the following in mind:
1. The Dhaka and Chittagong metropolitan areas would probably have the juiciest targets, albeit seasoned by the most pollution.
2. Definitely avoid the ship-breaking areas. The humans come with loads of diesel and solvent content, and, according to the movies, fire is a tried and tested way to fend off zombies, so let’s not be giving them any advantages.
3. The Noakhali and Barisal areas incorporate a lot of coconut into their diets. That means loads of flavour, and since coconut oil is good for the living, it can’t be bad for the undead. However, the high salinity of Bagherhat, Satkhira, and Khulna is definitely an acquired taste.
4. The mango and papayas of the Rajshahi belt should work well as meat tenderisers.
5. In case of indigestion, or general stomach issues, make a beeline for Rampal. The extreme coal-dust and soot pollution would make meals act like activated-carbon in soothing the belly.
6. Forget Rangpur, Lalmonirhat, Kurigram, and the all the northern chor areas -- hard living makes for scrawny meals.
7. Avoid the haor areas of Kishoreganj and Sunamganj, which are under water six to seven months a year. It will take ages to dry out and where is a zombie supposed to find copious amounts of moisturiser in the post-apocalypse world?
8. Sylhet would be interesting, with a populace grown fat from indolence thanks to foreign remittance with subtle overtones of shatkora citrus. However, too many of them are foreign-returned, having gorged on significant amounts of processed foods. These empty calories make me bloat like nothing else, plus, I suspect, induce psychotic episodes in me.