“Pompeii” is a poor boy/rich girl love story, couched in a gladiator action drama, couched in an apocalyptic disaster movie - like those Russian nesting dolls. But it all happens so quickly it feels as if half the movie is missing. I have watched the story of the destruction of Pompeii many times on National Geographic and Discovery Channel, my mom is a big fan, and for her and many others it’s the ultimate metaphor of the end of the world. I was hoping for an authentic reconstruction of the city and its people, in the spirit of Werner Herzog’s “Cave of Forgotten Dreams,” a brilliant 3D documentary about the oldest human paintings.
Love Story: There is little logic in an aristocratic girl falling madly in love with a slave-gladiator just because he is a good horseman. Then there is the rich villain who wants to marry the girl, and kill the hero (incidentally he is also responsible for the massacre of the hero’s people). Gladiator Action Drama: The hero is brought to the city to fight their best gladiator, a slave promised to set free if he kills the hero. For me, this guy is the best thing in the movie, everyone else seems miscast. Consequently, something happens and he becomes best friends with the hero. By the way, the second best thing in the movie is the heroine’s best friend and assistant, and the third best thing is the villain’s right hand man (of course we often see him standing on the left hand side but that’s alright). Strangely, the strongest characters are the “assistants.”
Apocalyptic Disaster Movie: At the end, the gargantuan Mount Vesuvius erupts and engulfs everything. We have to work to earn our living and in the process we get stressed out, so in our free time we buy tickets and watch a movie to get unstressed. There were about thirty others with me in the theater, plus it was raining from morning.
All we want is a decent movie. Hollywood please do a better job next time. I remember someone was very angry with me because I revealed that the “Titanic” sank. Well, it sank. And everyone died at Pompeii. There you go, I have said it. If you did not know that or that Jesus Christ always dies in the movies, then the only person who will be happy is - Charles Darwin.