Every wedding season, the ins and outs of every event is discussed in great detail, starting from the number of aloos in the biriyani to the magic elixir the bride drinks to get super human strength and hold up her weight in gold for the day. And while you're at it, you inevitably end up scoping out the guests at every wedding, if only to add to your inner commentary on what not to wear (you know you've done it). As experienced wedding invitees of Bangladesh, this week we introduce you to the five types of people you will most definitely run into at every deshi wedding.
While we all probably love dressing up for weddings, as it's the only occasion we get to take our Bollywood selves out and flaunt the designer wear, some people can take it to a whole new level and yes ladies, I'm talking to you. You will inevitably come across at least one person at a wedding who you mistake for the bride – straight from the the make-up artist's studio, these people will arrive in full glittery bridal wear and gold overload, stand right next to the “good lighting” area and take 5000 selfies. Since they look like they are preparing to get up on that stage to get married right then and there, brides-to-be can actually be clever and utilise these people as doppelgangers when you're tired of posing and want to run out for some fresh air.
Pretending to be Pablo, acting like La Quica? By partners, I don't only mean two people though. At every wedding, there will always be a group of pimped out boys present in all their “James Bond” looks. While it's nice to see people make an effort, this is almost as bad as wearing sunglasses at night just to impress girls. What's even worse, these guys will continue to check out every girl from head to toe, probably wondering how to approach them into getting their numbers by the end of the event.
We all know about the aunties that are the bane and boon of our lives, depending on how much food they are willing to feed you and how little advice will come with it. These aunties are in their elements at weddings and one swift glance at you, and rest assured they have already processed every single thing you're wearing - starting from the length of your blouse to the height of your heels – and made some very complicated calculations to judge your suitability to be their future daughter-in-law. When they're not too busy doing that, you'll definitely find them huddled in a corner with other gossip girls, either discussing the current event or exchanging dirt on noteworthy guests.
Kids are absolutely adorable in wedding wear, and we all love seeing the little ones in their saris and panjabis, all dressed to the nines and looking grown up. Having said that, when they decide to not be sociable and cry their heart out at a joyous event, you know you're in for it. And since the smaller the child, the more likely they are to hate crowds and cry, just do the smart thing and not linger in the vicinity of any children at all.
The token foreigner
Possibly the only other person at the event getting as much attention as the bride and groom, regardless of whether they are even an important guest. This guy will get treated like Tom Cruise entering a Bangladeshi wedding. From escorting him to his seat, giving him the best leg of meat and taking selfies with him regardless of whether he is on the stage or not, you have one white dude attend your wedding and you're all “Page 3” hitting the rages, and that my friend becomes an exclusive statement itself.
Illustration: Syed Rashid Imam Tanmoy