Letters to Mars
Q. My wife is obsessed with her phone. As a housewife I understand that she has a lot of time in hand and she needs to unwind but it really gets on my nerves when she substitutes quality time for time spent on her phone. Even when I'm home or if we're going for dinner, she never really focuses on the outing itself – rather all she cares about is getting the right photo and the right caption so she can post it on Facebook. I am fed up of this behaviour. I feel like we have no personal life. How can I make her understand that this really isn't a small issue anymore. It's bothering me to the point where I can't stand the idea of going home to her.
A. I can understand your frustration, her addiction is quite incredible, and if she does not address the issue it will only get worse. You must have tried to tell her how you feel about it, but it did not work. What to do? Give up? Not really, when something does not work we must look at the way we communicate and if ‘our’ method achieves the result we want. If we do not get the result we desire we must do something different to achieve a different result. This is the secret to good communication: speak the language of the person with whom you want to interact. Do not criticise her, tell her how much you love her and miss her company. Pay attention to her looks, compliment her, make her feel ‘she’ is your woman.
Letters to Venus
Q. I've been in a relationship with a 28 year old man for the last four years. He's a great guy and he's always been the most understanding boyfriend but I'm just worried that there may be no future. Ever since he graduated he hasn't been able to find a proper job and now he remains at home most days. As much as I love him, I know love won't feed a hungry mouth. I'm almost 28 and my parents want me to settle down and get married. It's been three years, he hasn't been able to find a job yet and it seems like he is comfortable in this setting. As much as I love him I know once we get married, life won't be comfortable. I want to encourage him to find work and want to believe in him but the future seems bleak. Is it worth pursuing this relationship?
A. If you need to encourage someone who is 28 years old to find a job, there is a serious problem. One problem could be of not having enough self confidence, another could be that his luck of initiative may be due to depression or may be, it is a way to avoid getting married. One peaceful but to the point discussion should clear up your confusion. Getting married for the sake of getting married is never, ever a good idea. Getting married to share a life with someone you love and respect it is one of the most wonderful things in life. Regarding your parents worry: you must not consider your self a burden. A daughter is not a burden but a gift of life. By the way do YOU have a job? Or would you be depending on someone else for your living expenses? Make yourself independent, you will be a stronger person and a better wife, mother and friend.
Q. I'm a 27 year old married woman that lives with her in-laws. My parents are very old fashioned and have always believed that a woman's place is at home. Once I finished my graduation, my husband let me work for a start up for eight months. However, my in-laws and parents did not approve. Soon my mother in law began to infiltrate my husbands mind and he too, disapproved. After several fights, a two month separation later, I decided to give in. I left my job and am back with my husband but I really am not happy. I miss my old life and my independence. I love my husband and I know there's no going back to that life but I can't fight off the depression that I feel. How can I accept and learn to love life as it is?
A. It is hard to read: my husband let me work. It is not in the hands of anyone what you want to do with your ability and the gifts you were born with. Women have the great ability to love and serve people they love, plus they are an indispensable part of society. You love your husband, he loves you, I am sure, therefore he will understand how depressed and unhappy you are at not being able to express yourself. Don’t blame his mother or him, it will not help; just tell him you love him and you are a much happier wife when you can work and contribute to the family.
BIO: Our Agony Aunt is a Life Coach and Relationship Coach as well as a Corporate and Organisational Consultant. AA lives and works in Bangladesh but travels extensively around the world to give seminars and to see her clients