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Tough Love: Dazed and awkward

  • Published at 11:31 am October 30th, 2015
Tough Love: Dazed and awkward

Q: Dear Dina, Something has been bothering me for the last three months. I don't quite know what. I just feel so utterly aimless, like someone with no goals or dreams. As a 24-year-old who's still pursuing her undergrads, I know I'm not as lost as I think, since I also have a full-time job. However, as pathetic as it sounds, I do feel like I haven't found myself. I am excited by sex, drugs, and rock & roll, but I feel so shallow. I have no real interests and am too lazy to even find any. How do I "find myself"? I've looked into meditation but usually fall asleep. I like painting but don't know how to go about that either. Please help me.

A: Dear Dazed & Confused, I hate to break it to you, kid, but there’s really no such thing as ‘finding yourself’. Everyone is just like you, bumbling through life the best that they can, hoping not to commit any grievous errors and possibly have a few giggles along the way. Or it could be that you have found yourself, and you’re a lazy and unmotivated person with no real talent or ambition. Either way, acceptance is the key. Just roll with it, and maybe you’ll start to enjoy your lack of interest in things. Some people can do absolutely nothing full-time, and maybe that IS your talent! I don’t recommend getting too excited by sex, drugs and rock and roll – that sort of lifestyle takes a lot more effort and energy than you would think, neither of which are your strong suits. Find low-key hobbies like napping and watching television, things that don’t require much work. Once you’ve managed to graduate somehow, quit your job and find someone to fund your lack of desire to do anything.

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Q: Dear Dina, Please don't laugh at me, but I am in a serious predicament. I am a 30-year- old unmarried man and I feel so desperately lonely. It's not that I have never had relationships - I have. But around two months ago I found this woman on Facebook. I saw our mutual friends and added her. I pretended to need some work-related information from her and struck up a conversation. I was hoping that we could soon go into a proper, friendly, non-work related conversation but the opportunity never arose. Two months and three 'likes' and one comment later, we still didn't talk. My last feeble attempt was sending her a birthday message, to which she actually responded very amiably and even invited me to her birthday party (I couldn't make it due to a family emergency!) Ever since, I have been thinking about her and have 'liked' two other posts from her Facebook but she hasn't knocked me yet. What is the best way to get through to her without looking like a fool?

A: Dear Socially Awkward, You are not going to enter into a meaningful relationship by liking someone’s Facebook posts. And if you don’t realize this, your predicament is a lot more serious than you even realize. This woman does not know you exist, because you are just another FB ‘friend’, of which she probably has many. There are probably hoards of hopefuls like you hitting her up regularly, so why do you expect to be singled out. Here’s a thought: why don’t you actually ask her out for a cup of coffee and have a real conversation? What a revolutionary concept! Instead of sitting by your computer, praying that she ‘knocks’ you, do something about it. Or else you’re going to be desperately alone for a long time.