Hi, my name is R. I married my childhood sweetheart but things haven’t been smooth sailing after marriage. She has become such a workaholic that she does not take care of herself anymore. She wears whatever she can lay her hands on and does not even seem to be bothered about her hygiene. Although ours was a love marriage, I have been really turned off by her recently. So much so that I am subconsciously becoming attracted to other women. I do not know how to deal with it because I do not want to hurt her feelings.
To begin with, the woman you love is still there and very much the same person. You only get to know someone when you start traveling together in life: we think we know someone, but only partially. When you discover an aspect of your wife that makes you uncomfortable, it is only one little part, not the whole. She is still part of the person you very much love. Our problem is that once we dislike something about a person or situation we constantly focus on what we do not like, rather that what we like. It's possible both of you are dissatisfied with your relationship but like most couples, you are too busy blaming each other rather than finding a solution. For example, if in the morning she may be too busy to look after herself, make breakfast and tell her lovingly to take the time to get ready for work. Praise her every day: there is always something nice about a person: I love the earring you are wearing, I like your smile, the sari you are wearing today really looks good on you, I like the comment you made about that article and so on.
Our Agony Aunt is a Life Coach and Relationship Coach as well as a Corporate and Organisational Consultant. AA lives and works in Bangladesh but travels extensively around the world to give seminars and to see her clients
