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Are you a good parent?

  • Published at 06:31 pm July 25th, 2017
  • Last updated at 06:34 pm July 25th, 2017
Are you a good parent?

Giving birth to a child doesn’t make anyone a parent in the truest sense. Parenting a child is much more difficult than pregnancy and labour.

In most cases, the future of a child is in the hands of parents. I do not wish to talk about those exceptionally brutal and horrible parents who use their children in illegal activities; such as in human trafficking or even prostitution just to get money. In my opinion, they’re beyond any kind of civil discussion.

This is for those parents who really wish their children to prosper in life, but somehow fail to ensure that prosperity due to their lack of knowledge about parenting.

This is to make them understand why, sometimes, everything might be in vain, even after all the hard work.

Unexpressed love

You’re a parent, you undoubtedly love your child, you know that and somehow you expect your teen girl or boy to be mature enough to understand your love for them, which you never expressed. And that is illogical.

How could they possibly know that you love them? You never told them directly. You never even bothered supporting them in small ways. Rather, you scolded them when they did something wrong.

Maybe you never even appreciated it when they passed with a good grade, rather shown it off to your neighbours behind their back, because you thought they might slow down if you let them know that you’re proud of them.

Now, your justification behind all this is: “All I want is success for my child,” but have you ever thought that you’re being selfish?

Mistakes and failures play a vital role in making a person successful. Parents need to allow their child to make mistakes

You define the term “success” in your own way, and expect your child to understand your vision and so you pressure her/him to pursue it when you don’t even know whether she/he wants it or not.

He might have become a successful cricketer like Shakib Al Hasan, if you hadn’t pressured him to become a doctor.

Their happiness is priceless

Another perilous mistake parents make is that they spend almost all they have on their children, but the kid also gets a free speech on “how hard it is for them to manage the money and how that kid is spending it without showing any empathy towards their parents’ hard-work” -- every time the child asks for some money.

I’ve asked my parents about this, and they said they really think that’s how you make your child realise how much you’re doing for them, but alas, this is where they’re wrong.

Parents ought to pay for their child’s basic needs.

But that extra amount they might be spending for his guitar lessons (without making him feel guilty for having an interest in learning a musical instrument) is something that makes him grateful to them.

Without making us feel guilty of our existence, our parents can manage to have that respect they ought to get.

Respect doesn’t come in the form of fear, it comes in the form of admiration.

I’ve seen my friends lie to their parents every now and then, and it horrifies me.

Lies, fear, and no communication

In most cases, I can’t blame my friends either, because if parents impose a curfew on a 22-year-old guy, what else could he do other than lie about group studies to go to the movies?

What can be the logic behind such curfew impositions?

The answer is: Parents want to ensure the safety of their children. But for how long will they be able to be in control of their children’s lives?

One day, when the right time comes, when in your eyes, your child is ready to take over life from your control, how do you think she/he will be able to do so, without any real-life experiences?

Mistakes and failures play a vital role in making a person successful. Parents need to allow their child to make mistakes, allow their child to fail on their own, and trust in their ability to surely get up one day.

Trust your child, trust in their upbringing. Don’t be afraid to let them make decisions and choices on their own, and when one fails in life -- that’s when you pick them up and make them feel that you’re always there for them.

Be your child’s friend. Because you might be the best friend they really need.

Sanjida Alam Ria is a freelance contributor.

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