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When a marriage falls apart

  • Published at 06:55 pm February 4th, 2017
  • Last updated at 04:29 pm February 6th, 2017
When a marriage falls apart

If you feel your spouse is having an affair, you need to look out for the signs and understand the reasons behind why your husband or wife is cheating on you.

Is it you, or something else that led them to have an affair? Why have they suddenly become indifferent towards you?

Where has the love gone?

Nowadays, with technology at our fingertips, having an affair sitting at home has become common phenomenon. One may not even know about one’s spouse’s affair because they may have perfected the art of lying.

A post comes to my mind that I’ve seen on the internet about why so many people are drifting apart in their marriage: It states that an extra-marital affair specifically means having a relationship outside one’s marriage, which entails illicit sexual or romantic relationships, or just a romantic or passionate friendship.

In addition to the traditional conventions of extra-marital affairs, now there is the possibility/threat of “online” affairs that take place on the internet. People start off as anonymous friends, kindle romances, which later may lead to adultery.

It is tough to see a couple go through the stress of it all. Relationships are broken, children are affected -- there could be lifelong issues with guilt and trust. It is not an easy situation for anyone involved

Like conventional affairs, online affairs can be casual and spontaneous, and even involve long-term commitments.

Most of these occur between strangers who might have never met and who become close to each other as they start to share intimate information.

Many engage in extramarital affairs, regardless of socio-economic status. In some cases, the news comes as a shock, since things appeared to be well in the marriage, to outsiders, prior to such a revelation. However, something obviously went wrong somewhere.

Early marriage

People who marry in their early 20s would most likely have achieved some level of stability and social standing by their mid-30s.

At that point, they feel that they did not really enjoy life in their 20s, and find the prospect of an extramarital affair exciting -- it becomes their desperate attempt to experience a sense of thrill and excitement.

Sometimes, age becomes irrelevant and it is sheer boredom or the need to break the monotony and drudgery of everyday life which may tempt people to engage in extra-marital affairs.

Inability to deal with changes

Life throws us curve-balls almost every other day. Most of us are able to deal with the small changes. But big changes are tough to deal with -- a serious illness in the family, death, sudden unemployment, financial loss, etc. Many turn to people, (apart from their spouse) to deal with such changes. They may find more comfort in the arms of someone new, perhaps someone not connected to their tough circumstances in any way.

Married for the wrong reasons Many people marry for the wrong reasons. Pressure from family and society tops the list in this country. After a certain point of persuasion and age, many people agree to marry without even getting to know their life partner well.

Once the deed is done, they realise the mistake they have made in terms of choosing a life partner.

If they meet someone who is in any way a better match than their current spouse, they are immediately attracted to him/her. And what starts as a simple friendship, usually ends being moulded into an affair.

Becoming parents Becoming a parent changes everything in a husband-wife relationship.

Priorities change, the time you can give each other reduces, and home environment alters drastically.

While most women give their 200% to being mothers, I know of several men who suddenly feel lost and unimportant at home, and indulge in extra-marital affairs. And since most women are usually too busy being mothers, they probably don’t even realise such a development for a long time.

Emotional disconnect

Sometimes a couple grows emotionally disconnected from each other, the top reasons being lack of time and lack of communication with each other. To be emotionally connected, one needs to share, talk, express, listen, laugh, and show that one cares.

Otherwise, over a period of time, chances are that a couple becomes emotionally disconnected which is perilous for a marriage.

Also, physical dissatisfaction is probably one of the most common reasons for married people to engage in extra-marital affairs.

While these are broad reasons, usually it is a combination of many of the aforementioned reasons that drives people to extra-marital affairs.

All said and done, it is tough to see a couple go through the stress of it all.

Relationships are broken, children are affected -- there could be lifelong issues with guilt and trust. It is not an easy situation for anyone involved.

Jannatul Shahebaz is a freelance contributor.