The 13 types of haters
If there is anything I regret about my Masters in Psycho-social Studies, it is not undertaking a deep exploration of hate. It may be because there was too much of it going around that I preferred to focus on other themes, but there was certainly no avoiding it, as its many ugly faces appeared more often than not.
I would argue that hate is not just the opposite of love, simply because I do not believe it is that reductive. Hate is possibly one of the most nuanced emotions, and what better way to illustrate it than through haters. Accordingly, I have compiled a list of 13 of the most errr “popular” ones, but trust me, there are plenty more…
1. The 24/7 Haters: Not necessarily the most harmful, but definitely the most enervating, as when you meet them, they hate how you are dressed (aita porso keno), your face (airokom lagche keno tomake), the food you eat (ekdom moja na), the ingredients of the food (ki diye banaise aita), the person serving the food (loktar chehara dekhso), the crockery (kothay theke kine aishob baje bashon peyala), the room temperature (groom lagche, AC ta service kore nai mone hoy), and all else. In short, they hate everything around them all the time.
2. The Hingsha Haters: The ones who just cannot contain their jealousy and contempt. They want you to aspire to be them, but you dare not. You must always want what they have, but they must always have more of it than you.Their motto is ‘envy me, be jealous of me’. They belittle you if they perceive you have less, and violently hate you if you seem to have more.
3. The Nimokharami Haters: The worst. At first, they ingratiate and intertwine themselves into your life. They begin with nonstop compliments and praise (chamchagiri), then they love your parents more than you do, they envelop your children into their care, and become very close to your staff; they are sympathetic, caring, useful, and employ whichever tactic works to become your numero uno companion. Without you realising, they begin to take small favours out of you, and then slowly, slowly, bigger and bigger ones. And then when they can take no more, they are suddenly not as available as they once were and gradually disappear altogether. After some months or years, you hear vile stories of yourself circulating, and you wonder why or who the source is. Guess.
4. The Silent Haters: They never express any negative emotions. They just observe you, accumulate as much information as they can about you, follow everything you do, and hate you from a distance.
5. The Social Media Haters (1): This type has to express hate on social media. It is a compulsion. They are very pleasant and charming face to face, and make the sweetest and kindest of remarks to you, however when you read their FB statuses or tweets…
6. The Social Media Haters (2): The ones who continuously tell you how much they hate social media, yet are continuously on it (p.s. they also tell you how they hate that photos are posted on FB and Instagram, but are the first to stand in front of the camera).
7. The Social Media Avoidance Haters: These are the opposite of the Social Media Haters (1). They are all sugar and honey online, showering you with superlative compliments, vigorously outperforming everyone else with instant likes and saccharine comments on your wall, whilst offline they are exactly the opposite, bitter and nasty.
8. The Kono Karon Chara Haters: They just express hate once in a while for no rhyme or reason. Random.
9. The Hating on Behalf of Other People Haters: The people who take your words out of context, find a villain in your story, and instantly start hating the person. You probably do not even know the person they are referring to, but no matter, he or she is vehemently hated, because of what they have done to you of course!
10. The Attention Seeking Haters: They don’t actually hate anybody or anything, but feel the need to loudly use the word ‘hate’ in sentences in the midst of social gatherings, just to get some attention.
11. The Cannot Be Bothered to Hate Haters: Full of hate, but will never admit it. They use the most awful language possible to describe the persons, who apparently, they simply cannot be bothered with, whilst trying desperately to convince you of their indifference.
12. The Projection Haters: Complex and complicated. Empty souls with too much time and too much money. They are unable to achieve anything on their own merit and hate those who have worked hard and are widely respected. Projection haters cannot bear anyone other than themselves being valued and admired, and they use whatever influence and resources they have in trying to bring others down, instead of focusing on doing something positive for themselves.
13. The Misogynists: Last but not least, the women haters. I look forward to the day when this category becomes history, but sadly it may not happen in my lifetime.
And on that depressing note, I will share a quote from James Baldwin,
“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”
Chintamoni grew up in Dhaka, where she will always belong, but never quite fit in. She is an enthusiastic traveller, a compulsive procrastinator, and a contumelious raconteur.