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Gombhir chinta

  • Published at 04:08 pm October 25th, 2018
WT_Oct 25, 2018

Never say never? Never say always?

I never wanted to be a writer; I always have the urge to express myself.
I always repress how I really feel; my repressed feelings always return.

I am always consumed by the past; I never want to return to it.
I am always thinking about the future; I never want it to arrive.  

I always adapt to whichever place life takes me; I have never been able to put my roots down anywhere.

I am never able to say “No” when I should; I always regret my lack of resolve.

I am never quite sure when to put boundaries in place; it is always before or after when I should have. 

I have never been able to gauge how much of myself I should give; I always feel that I have either given too much or too little. 

I never have the appropriate response when someone asks me a probing question; I always wonder why that happens. 

I always lose my temper at the slightest provocation; I am always overcome with remorse afterwards. 

I always wonder how people think, I never care about what they say; I always contemplate on what they mean.

I am never sure if I have been understood. 

I never wonder what my life would have been like had I been a man; I always see myself as a woman.

I always say that a woman should be independent; I have never worked towards coming into my own. 

I will never be the best mother to my daughters; I will always remain their only caregiver. 

I always fret about the future of my girls; I never take anything for granted.

I always wonder whether I will see the day when a daughter is equal to a son.

I will never be on equal footing with my husband; there will always remain the inequalities of gender between us. 

I am never on speaking terms with all my family members at the same time; I am always in conflict with one or a few of them at any given time.

I have never been able to share a city with all my closest friends; they will always remain scattered in all parts of the globe.

I always crave company; I always spend most of my days alone.

I never know how and when to apply my education; I always continue to learn.

I always want to start something; I never know where to begin. 

I am always happy, I am always sad; I have never been able to exchange one for the other.

I am always busy, I am always tired; I can never say what it is I am doing.

I have never been able to shake off my worries; I will always be plagued by anxiety.

I always convince myself that I have done my best; I am never certain that I have.

I am never certain about anything; I am always wracked by doubt. 

I always either overthink, or I never think at all.

Chintamoni grew up in Dhaka, where she will always belong, but never quite fit in. She is an enthusiastic traveller, a compulsive procrastinator, and a contumelious raconteur.