• Monday, Jan 20, 2020
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Rajokiyo Bibaho'r chinta

  • Published at 04:11 pm May 27th, 2018

A kutnami of the Wedding

It seems to me that the Royal Wedding of Harry and Meghan has been written about and analyzed from all perspectives except that of our kutnis; and therefore I have taken in upon myself to express their (probable) chintas on the event. 

I will be focusing on the Dhaka lot, not because I am discriminating against kutnas and kutnis from other parts of the country, but simply because I have *clearing throat* extensive exposure to the Dhakai ones (and I admit I can be a pretty nasty kutni myself should the occasion demand). 

Now what possible kutnami can we do about this Wedding? 

Harry is a Prince, his father will be a Raja, and that automatically makes him an extremely eligible bachelor, plus he is forsha, has a British passport, will inherit a lot of jomi, and his mother passed away when he was very young.  

All these attributes qualify him to be a Bechara (subtext, shashuri thakbe na, meyeta koto lucky).  Plus his mother had lot of kapor and goyna, so definitely that adds to his eligibility. If the boy has inheritance and status, kutnami dictates that we do not question his academic qualifications or character. We say that ekbar biye hoye gele, shob thik hoye jabe.

Harry needs a lokhkhi meye,  a girl who is obedient and who will cherish his mother's possessions and maintain the family's traditions. (How someone simple and unquestioning is supposed to hold on to jomi and goyna and him for a few decades baffles me, but I dare not question the kutnis). 

Instead of a decent girl from from nijer class, he chooses Meghan. Bechara, asholey simple. Pore bujhbe, koto chalaak. Meghan er nischoi kono problem achey as she was once divorced, not to mention she is less forsha than him, onek independent, and boyoshe beshi. 

What is Harry thinking? Asholey Meghan fashayshe. She is an actress, bhalo natok kore oke dhorse. Either that or she found a pir and did black magic or jadu. Otherwise do boys of Harry's calibre even look at darker, svelte, sexy charming actresses?  Ekdom na! They search for bhodro ghorer meye who are calculating  the status, jomi and the goyna they might acquire by way of marrying him.  Bechara Harry.

Actually since birth Meghan and her mother devised a plan to catch a prince. Onek chalaak. The mother deliberately divorced her father just because Diana divorced Charles. Do you not get it?? Onek ager plan. So that the two of their CVs would match. We will not understand. They are clever people. Not like us  bhodro manush (who know nothing about jomi and goyna and status and Raja). Our mothers could never be so chalaak. 

Now that Meghan has done her jadu, we must sigh and wish them well. But we must continue to analyse her past. Achcha shuno... Was Meghan always so slim? Was she always good looking? Na. Ki je bolo. She was mota in her teenage years. Onek dieting kore shukaise. Now she does not eat anything. Shukna thakte chay. Oitto, she has to keep Harry interested in her.

Dekhba, she will become pregnant very quickly. Shotti! How else will she keep him? After all she is not of his class. They have little in common. Taratari she will want a son so that she can get all the shompotti and before she starts looking like a buri.

Achcha, do you think she gets long with Kate?? Hmmmm. Upore upore they will have to show that they are close, but who knows the bhitorer kotha. Kate is a bhodro ghorer meye (subtext: white and parents not divorced) so she will always do her duty, but Meghan, bola jay na. Actress, baba! Nischoi she sees Kate and becomes jealous. After all Kate to nijer poysha kamai korte hoy nai. Plus Kate will be Queen one day.

Meghan must want to be Rani too. Nischoi that is her plan. Ato chalaak. Dekhba she will ask for the goyna  and the jomi to be put in her name very soon.  Achcha, do you think she returned the tiara? I heard she did not. 

My third cousin’s hubsand’s sister in law’s brother lives in England (with brilliant children who all went to Oxford and Cambridge simultaneously) knows someone who knows the Royal Family, and she told me that she heard Meghan did not want to return the jewellery they gave her to wear at the Wedding. 

Rani boleche that she has all the hishaab. If Meghan does not return the jewellery khobor achey kintu. Tarpor William, Harry, Kate all of them put pressure on her, there was a lot of jhogra jhati kanna kati, then finally she gave back the stuff. Dekhla! If you marry an actress this is what happens. 

You know Harry should have let his father or Dadi choose a girl for him. After all Rani to onek dignified ekta mohila, she would have found the perfect match. Party koro, moja koro, ja ichcha tai koro, but when it comes to marriage you must let your family choose. They know best. They would have found a nice, decent, educated girl from a good family, Harry would have been so happy. Ato gaenjam hoto na. Bechara Harry. 

Jano we should not do bodnaam. Even we have daughters. People really should not say horrible things about another person’s daughter. Who knows kaar kopale ki? Shotti!

Chintamoni grew up in Dhaka, where she will always belong, but never quite fit in. She is an enthusiastic traveller, a compulsive procrastinator, and a contumelious raconteur.