While we know deep down that the concept of love has been analysed and overanalysed and dismantled to the point of it having little to no meaning in this hyper-sexualised world of “hook ups” and “make outs” and Tinder, some people, for whatever reason, reasons which continue to boggle my mind, continue to get married.
Now, having been personally in a position where I was deluded enough to think that I would spend the rest of my life with a singular individual, I am someone who had, at that point, convinced himself that marriage was a good option.
Of course, after various objective discussions with myself and others (ie, chheka khaisi), I realised that marriage was maybe not the best option for me and my lover, whom I shall only refer to as “devil-witch” for further research purposes.
As such, it behooves us to sit down, take a deep breath (or a sip of whiskey), and consider the implications of marriage. And how do we do that? Like everything else, we have condensed major life decisions to a nice and neat little list to help make that decision for you.
“Do I love her?”
A difficult question to answer, this requires, on your part, to attain a certain level of self-awareness. You must answer this question objectively. You must also realise the paradox of the situation: You are biased, under the influence of chemicals which make it impossible to differentiate between right and wrong, between demon-witches and generous saints, between dependency/jealousy/neediness/affection/pity and love. So how can you even attempt to answer the question?
You can't. So move on.
“Can I afford it?”
This is where we break down the more measurable variables of your marriage conundrum. You must remember that a marriage requires a ring and a wedding (amongst other things). These aren't cheap.
And what makes it worse is that both of these are industries created to make you feel
like these are mandatory aspects of marriage, absolutely necessary to show one's love to one's significant other. And knowing this, knowing that weddings and diamonds are a sham, can you make yourself go through such a hollow process?
And this is just the financial cost. Ask yourself if you can afford to give up these things (in no particular order):
- Your freedom
- Your bed
- Your privacy
- Your peace of mind
- Your other girls
The list is, as you may realise, rather endless. If your “love” outweighs all of this, you may move on to the next question.
“Is she too rich?”
This is a question for the cynics amongst us. While you may think that your love sees no monetary value attached to the relationship that you boast to have, there are those amongst us who may be cutting a “deal”, be it with the knowledge of the girl or not.
This deal comes in many forms, but usually this is presented in the form of the rich daughter of a wealthy businessman. I do not wish to go into the morality involved with such a commitment for that is not my place; what I will say to them is that it might not be the bed of roses they may think it is.
Once you enter a marriage not on your feet but, rather, bent over, you will stay bent over for life. Your hunger for money will see you contorting in ways you had not imagined and, at the end of the day, might find that the monetary issue was not that important anyway.
“What's in the future?”
There are two kinds of futures which take place in our head: One's in which we, like in The Titanic
, live a story that James Cameron would be proud to direct. The other's your life. No one wants to see that crap.
This is a question you must answer because you must figure out a) whether there is a romantic inside you, b) if that romantic has accepted reality, and c) whether you are living a story that would satisfy the romantic.
What you're basically trying to figure, by using a combination of these three rather crucial elements, is to find out what story you're okay living. This will determine expectations and help you deal with reality like nothing else will.
The purpose of anything we do is perhaps its most important aspect. Ask yourself why you want to get married (apart from your so-called “love” for her). Is it because you're getting old? Is it because she's getting old? Is it because everyone does it? Is it because you can't imagine anything else?
To truly figure this out, use this technique. Imagine you're in a room with your fiance and her in-laws. How do you feel? Do you feel every molecule in your body pretending to be something they're not?
Or are you too comfortable? Do you not care at all what they think?
Either says different things about you. What it comes down to, at the end of the day, which crappy reality are you willing to accept.