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Beating the potential minefield

  • Published at 05:42 pm January 1st, 2018
  • Last updated at 07:46 pm January 9th, 2018
Beating the potential minefield
Whoever said that “All is fair in love and war,” must have known that when it comes to planning a wedding, the two are almost synonymous in context. In fact, warzones have it easy in comparison. Have they ever had to face the wrath of an angry, demanding future mother-in-law? With stress-levels at an all time high, and emotions running amuck, it can be difficult to stay objective and smooth things out. Lucky for you, here are five simple tips to keep in mind for a fuss-free wedding. Preparation is key The biggest favour you can do for yourself is this: anticipate trouble. Don’t worry yourself sick over all the things that can go wrong, but keep in mind that you’ll have to maneuver conflict zones and act accordingly. When it comes to weddings, everyone seems to have an opinion about, well, everything. From the colour of your sari and the jewellery you adorn, to stage decorations and possible venues, you’ll find that almost everyone will weigh in with their two cents. Do your research well in advance and figure out what you want. Once you’ve settled in on your wedding goals and values, enforce them with compassion and firmness. This way, you’re unlikely to be swayed into becoming a flustered bride-to-be. Have a trusted circle, your knights in shining armour Don’t wait until post-matrimony to start communicating with your other half, instead be considerate and make each decision together. As the bride, you shouldn’t have to fight every battle yourself. First, figure out who your supporters are—this could be your mother, sister, best friend, or anyone whose opinions you value and trust. The composition of your battalion depends on you, but their objective is to diffuse all non-essential issues before they get to you. Mother-in-law’s sister has an uninvited opinion about your choice of attire? Overbearing cousins trying to force their way in with tacky offbeat ceremony music? Have your knights at your side as you tackle one bomb after another. Tone is everything Instead of going in guns blazing, take a stealthy detour with your words. Rather than telling your fiancé, “I hate your mother, do something about her,” softly tell him that you need his help to get through this. There’s a world of difference between demanding your needs be met and asking for a shoulder to lean on. The trick is to avoid negativity at all costs and cultivate love and support. Saying things like, “I hadn’t thought of that, I’ll keep your suggestion in mind when I do,” can do wonders in keeping conflict at bay. Make all parties feel involved and valued, and subtly push everything in the direction you wanted all along. It doesn’t hurt if your sister-in-law thinks she came up with the idea of a photo booth, when you were the one casually inclined towards it all along. Artful diplomacy Weddings are essentially a lesson in diplomacy. Planning to work for the UN? This opportunity can serve as your test-run. Honesty may very well be the best policy, but in this case, little white lies can’t hurt. In fact, they go a long way in maintaining the peace. Despite what you might think, not everyone needs to weigh in on your wardrobe choice, menu options and décor. If you feel people won’t add value, then simply don’t share beyond necessity. You have your trusted circle for that. Parents on either side want to invite distant relatives whose names you don’t even know? “Oh I don’t think the venue will allow for so many people,” or, “We haven’t set the guest list yet.” Have a script ready with a few basic white lies that you can recite off of when the situation arises. Practice non-avoidance, selectively Contrary to the previous tip, there will be scenarios where deflection does more harm than good. You know how we Bengalis are, we hate addressing the elephant in the room, and yet we have a penchant for drama. A troublesome duo of characteristics, isn’t it? Allowing hurt or angry feelings to bottle up can be a recipe for disaster, so sometimes having an honest heart-to-heart is inevitable. Oftentimes, it becomes necessary to gently take aside your nosy, overbearing friend/family member and explain to them that this is your wedding, their support is vital and you just want everyone to get along.