It was a cold, crisp, snowy day in February 1966 when in a New York City studio, a masterpiece of a song, "It's a Man's Man's Man's World" was co-written by James Brown and Betty Jean Newsome.
James Brown, who was then at the absolute peak of his commercial popularity, performed this song in live shows for the rest of his musical career.
The song starts with "This is a man's world" and goes on to aggressively ascribe all the works of the modern civilization such as cars, trains, boats, and electric light solely to male efforts; however, as if to pour oil on troubled waters, the song ends with a casual claim that it all would mean "Nothin' without a woman or a girl."
Interestingly, while Brown globally popularized the phrase "This is a man's world" through his "biblically chauvinistic" track, Newsome later claimed to have written the lyrics based on her own observations of gender dynamics.
Do you see the irony? This historic anthem that was profoundly criticized for its extreme machismo was given its meaning by Newsome, a woman herself, who fought for decades so her name was not erased from its history.
Sixty years ago, a phrase became universal due to the lyrical genius of a woman; the same phrase is still being used by our male-dominated society whenever patriarchy demands our women to be put in their “rightful” position.
In 1990, Sylvia Walby defined patriarchy as “a system of social structures and practices in which men dominate, oppress, and exploit women.” In other words, patriarchy is a system that predominantly favours men.
Yet, are men the only ones to forge ahead with patriarchy? Has it ever crossed your mind how women themselves, wearing the invisible cloak of patriarchy, have been perpetuating the faults of the system in the name of tradition all this time?
One bewildering characteristic of patriarchy is that it pits women against women. Each time a mother, a female teacher, a mother-in-law, a female friend, points the policing fingers at the woman next to her for not yielding to the system, the chain of patriarchy moves forward.
It is a common experience of girls growing up in Bangladesh to face judgement from women. The mechanism of patriarchy is so deeply rooted into our society that many women preach oppression instead of being a part of the sisterhood.
Remember the legendary cartoon Meena? In this timeless children’s show, Meena’s mother and grandmother, clearly biased towards her brother Raju, would often discriminate between the siblings. Sadly, most girls born and growing up with brothers in Bangladeshi households are no stranger to this discrimination.
Unfortunately, the very first whip of patriarchy almost always comes from the mothers, who are often found policing their daughters’ bodies and behaviours so that the daughters conform to the entrenched norms of this patriarchal society.
Mothers often teach their daughters to adjust, to endure, to follow the rules, while their sons grow up knowing the world will negotiate the rules for them.
One survey showed that 93% families in Bangladesh see their sons as a blessing, while 96% see their daughters as a “problem” to the family and the country. The discrimination is reflected in dietary portions, permission to play outside, and the freedom to make friends.
This motherly discrimination is topped with the unwanted surveillance of the “aunty society.” The women from the neighbourhood or the mothers waiting outside schools and coaching centres almost invariably engage in tracking down girls for having male friends, talking or laughing too loud, dressing up, or wearing light makeup. These small acts of freedom often end up becoming the gravest of sins.
For many girls, even classrooms become a place for moral policing. Female teachers, who should be providing a safe outlet for the students, justify their humiliating remarks as “protection.” Moreover, in many co-ed institutions, female teachers sometimes show unfair preferences towards male students.
Among peers, women frequently face criticism disguised as opinions from other women, based on their life choices, work positions, or clothing.
Women who conform to societal expectations often feel superior and disdain women who choose to live lives that don’t align with those beliefs. Conformity thus turns into a currency for winning in life for women embodying patriarchy.
This submission to patriarchy continues as a mother-in-law’s abuse of her daughter-in-law activates the cycle of unjust treatment and passes it down from one generation to the next. As the mother of the groom, her actions of looking down on the bride's family and demanding dowry eventually turn into violence against the daughter-in-law.
And when the violent treatment compels the daughter-in-law to return to her parents’ house, it is often her mother who sends her back to her in-law’s house in the name of family honor. To these mothers, a dead daughter is far better than a divorced daughter.
So, should we consider these women culpable for the continuity of patriarchy? Before answering this question, we should ask a more important one: Why do women partake in this vile practice?
Denied direct power, as argued by author and academic Deniz Kandiyoti, many women learn to negotiate security by adapting to the system’s rules rather than resisting. Women submit to patriarchy as a survival mechanism and to gain authority over other women.
However, the consequences of this chain of patriarchy teach women to be each other’s judges instead of allies. It pierces through the sisterhood and hides structural patriarchy behind a facade of women blaming each other. Meanwhile, the system itself is perpetuated through whoever is closest to it.
To break through the shackles of patriarchy, women need to recognize the contradictions that make them the silent flag-bearers. Decoding the patterns can easily turn the contention into cohesion. This is why, when sisterhood refuses to become patriarchy’s ally, it motivates women to heal and grow together.
Nadia Afroze Disha is a lecturer at Brac Business School, Brac University. Purnasha Aurora is a student of Economics at Brac University.