Viewing through the hospital window with teary half-opened eyes, a deathbed patient regarded his life like the diminishing light of the evening twilight. The sun went below the horizon bidding goodbye to the short-lived day leaving the city of action behind the darkness of night. The shadow of the other side of the hospital fell on the street. The darkness of the area was slightly removed by the street lights and self-illuminated modern buildings. At that juncture of the day and night, the renowned United Hospital in Dhaka city was struggling with a patient for extending the life span of the patient. His father, Ahnaf Hossain, the richest man in the country, was helpless before the fate of his son. Mrs. Hossain was sitting against the wall and crying softly. Ahnaf first broke the silence,
“Doctor, what is the condition of my son?”
The doctor looked at the patient and replied in a low voice:
“Still he is not stable!”
“What should we do?” Ahnaf anxiously asked.
The famous doctors put their heads together to support the patient with the help of their latest knowledge of medical science. The most experienced doctor of the team helplessly declared their ultimate decision that a heart transplant was immediately required to save the patient. It sounded like a bolt from the blue to his parents. They could not believe their ears. His parents became dumb with the sudden shock of the worst condition of their only teenage son, a fresher in BUET. It echoed many times in the ears of his father, “a heart transplant”...”a heart transplant”...”a heart transplant”...
“Doctor, please arrange the heart transplant of my son at any cost, might be millions of dollars!” Ahnaf urged hysterically.
“I know that you are a very rich man. Millions of dollars is a little part of your total assets.”
“Then, what is the problem?”
“It is pretty difficult to find a donor of a matched healthy heart shortly,” the doctor murmured.
It was the darkest night for the family with their only child at the juncture of life and death in the hospital. A happy and wealthy family suddenly fell into untold distress. The situation matched with the real-life proverb, “Storms gather without warning and misfortune befalls humans overnight.” But, it was an utter surprise for the patient’s family that the proverb was proven true in their lives. They did not know why this happened in their lives.
“I cannot bear the pain, I will simply die if anything happens to the apple of my eyes,” the mother cried out.
“Do not worry, if required, I will sacrifice my life to keep our son alive, I will give my heart to him,” assured Ahnaf.
Ahnaf Hossain repeated this emotional promise earlier many times about the betterment of his life. The sickness of his son put him on self -test to prove his promised sacrifice, if no donor of a matched heart was found in time. He became hesitant and started talking to himself:
“Are you serious about giving your heart to your son?”
“Of course, why not?”
“Do you think that you love your son more than your life?”
“Do you have any doubt regarding this?”
“Yes, I strongly believe that you love your son, but not more than you!”
“I can prove it.”
“No, you cannot prove it, rather you will miserably fail.”
“No, you are not right.”
“Yes, I am sure.”
“You can spend money and whatever you have for the sake of your son, but not your heart.”
“I repeat I will give my heart to my son if needed! It is useless to live without my son.”
“It is required now, why don’t give it immediately, why do you wait for another donor risking the life of your son?”
The inner self of Ahnaf continued struggling with the priority of living self or the son. His self- love strongly opposed to self -death in the name of love and life for his son. His self -love justified his requirement of living for his wife and for other earthly necessities. But, his emotional attachment to his son supported the life of his son at the cost of his life. He was in a dilemma and asked himself the irresolvable question:
“Whom do I love most, is it me or my son?”
Amid great distress, Ahnaf cherished the good memories of his ideal family life. He especially remembered the birth of his only child. It was the happiest day and even the happiest moment in his life. He had a divine feeling of having the best gift in his life. He fought with himself. His overwhelming affection for his son temporarily triumphed over his own life.
It sounded like a bolt from the blue to his parents
“I am determined to give my own heart to my son and live in him.”
Ahnaf Hossain made an earnest request to the doctor:
“Please arrange a heart transplant for my son with my heart,” said Ahnaf in a serious mood, but with an emotional touch.
“Please do not be emotional,” the doctor replied.
“Doctor, I am not emotional, I am very serious. I am determined to save my son.”
“But, donation of the heart is not allowed at the cost of a donor’s life,” said the doctor.
“It is not a donation, rather, it is a sacrifice of a father for his son” Ahnaf argued.
Ahnaf Hossain became adamant to save his life at the cost of his own life. At some point in time, the doctors were compelled to test Ahnaf for matching the heart with his son just for his consolation. But, they did not express in front of Ahnaf that they would not go for the unethical heart transplant as proposed by Ahnaf . Time passed on. Ahnaf’s heart matched with the son and the doctors were not finding any donor. The son was in a critical condition for a heart transplant.
Do I really love my son more than my life? Why could I not sacrifice my life for him in the dream?
“Doctor, I am ready, please arrange the operation for the heart transplantation.”
“You will die, once your heart is removed from you, now you think.”
Then his self- love immediately aroused in him. He strongly felt that he loved himself more than his son. His desire for living suppressed his emotional attachment to his son. He finally decided to live. He was defeated by his love for himself. There was a gulf of difference between the reality and truth. He felt immense love and affection for his son. So, he thought that it was easily possible for him to sacrifice his life for his son. But, when it was a question of life and death with the sacrifice, then his own life got preference over his son’s life. His emotional self preferred to give his heart to his loving son, but his inner self aspired to live. When Ahnaf failed in his test in respect of love of his, a heavenly message reverberated in his ears:
“A healthy and matched heart was found for your son,” the doctor said in a joyous tone.
“How could this miracle happen?” Ahnaf was surprised.
“A college freshman, healthy as a horse, Prottoy died of an aneurysm with no warning and his heart matched with your son,” the doctor said and further added:
“His parents informed that their son had opted to become an organ donor.”
His parents with a heavy heart recollected the day on which Prottoy informed his decision to become an organ donor:
“What am I going to do with my organs after I’m dead? And besides,” he added with a smile, “who wouldn’t want this body?”
What an irony of fate, a young man’s sudden death saved another young man who was standing at the door of death by the miracle of science. Three more people who had been near death, lived to see another day because they received their son’s organs.
“Now, I am the happiest man in this world,” Ahnaf whispered.
“Thank God for His endless mercy,” the doctor said.
“Of course, I would also like to thank the parents of Prottoy for the invaluable gift of heart for my son.”
Then, Ahnaf fell in a hell of agony. He became frustrated thinking at what he could not do being a father. He could not prove his love for his son the way he thought and expressed it. With this state of mind, he felt a strong headache and severe discomfort.
“We have checked thoroughly, there is nothing wrong with your son; you can take him home tonight,” Ahnaf woke up by the doctor’s voice.
“Please relax. You have taken a lot of pain for your son. We know you love your son more than your life,” the doctor further added.
Ahnaf completed all the hospital formalities for the release of his son. Ahnaf sent his son with the mother and other relatives back home saying that he was coming later. Being so exhausted, Ahnaf fell asleep. Though in a dream, he severely failed to sacrifice his heart to his son. He discovered a different self of him who loved himself more than his son, though in reality he claimed the reverse. Though he lost the battle in dream, he consciously encountered himself:
“Do I really love my son more than my life? Why could I not sacrifice my life for him in the dream?”
“Do people always do what they think? Why can't people come out from the fondness of their own life?”
“What I thought was wrong, what the doctor remarked about me was not correct. I really did not love my son more than me as it was proven in the dream.”
“Now I am confused whether the reality would be the same if the situation demands so. There is a profound difference between the self and the shadow self,” Ahnaf continued facing himself in his subconscious mind.
It was deep into the night and the environment was serene. Ahnaf kept on questioning himself:
“Did I tell a lie that I loved him more than my life?”
“Would my son pardon me if the truth was exposed as in the dream?”
“Was I different in this case or it could be the universal state of human beings, if put under test?”
Ahnaf unmindfully kept walking along the street at midnight with a heavy heart and searching for the answers to his queries.
Maisha Farzana Raka is a former student of the Department of English, Notre Dame University, Bangladesh.