I have two daughters in their early 20s. I've always given them immense freedom- allowed them to go out with friends, stay out late and even date. I've always been the kind who believed that my daughters should be given the freedom to experience life and learn from their mistakes. However, now I feel like I made a mistake being this lenient. It has come to a point where they just take their freedom for granted. They go out when they want, where they want, never letting me know. They shut me up saying I'm being old fashioned when I ask them to be more responsible. They also misbehave with me. I want to be able to have my voice back without losing my daughters in the process. How should I go about this?
It’s very important when imparting freedom to your children to also give them boundaries. It is a little late for you to have realised that they you were too lenient with them now that they are in their 20's and officially adults. However, since they do live in your house, you can implement house rules. Tell them that while they are free to do as they choose, it comes with certain limitations. Draw up a list of your requirements, be it a curfew or a phone call if they are going to be staying out late. Make it very clear to them that while you trust them, they have a duty and responsibility to honour and respect that trust. I am certain they are the exception among their friends, and they must appreciate that whether they show it or not. You need to re-establish your role as head of the household, and make it clear that they are welcome to move out if they’re unwilling to accept it.
Dina Sobhan is a free-lance writer, a part-time counsellor and a full-time mom.