5 kinds of deshis you’ll meet on every flight

Talkative Tomals/TomalikasYes, we’re a chatty people on any given day, but these folk will be on their phones gabbing away up to the point when the flight is about to take off, and the harassed flight attendants have issued a threat to confiscate their cellphones. At which point, they’ll turn to their seatmates, or find a suitably South Asian face in the vicinity, and strike up a conversation, usually narrating every detail about all their previous travel experience. You can bet your bottom taka that no sooner does the plane touch down than they have their phones out, waiting for the first bar of network service that can connect them to their loved ones.Octopus OsmansThese folks really love their space, and don’t really give a damn about yours. As soon as they’re seated, they will roll back their seats until they’re practically sitting with their heads in the laps of the people seated behind them. Their elbows will take up both armrests, and you haven’t seen man-spreading like you’ve seen an OO at it. After a small length of time, you’ll find them sliding to one side, “innocuously” aiming for the shoulders of their seatmates.Boozy BelalsWhether they’re actually called Belal or not, you can recognise this type right after the plane has taken off. They’ll get comfortable in their seats, maybe even recite a loud Surah for safety. As soon as the drinks cart rolls around, they’ll flag the flight attendant down for a beer. If it’s a flight that doesn’t serve alcohol, the Boozy Belal can be seen cajoling for a tipple anyway. As the flight progresses, the calls for alcohol become more frequent, and one of two things happen. Either Belal will get really obnoxious right after his first sip, or drink himself into a stupor, and if you’re lucky  enough to be his seatmate, you can enjoy his beer burps through the rest of the journey.Shopaholic ShompasThey’re the ones with the overweight luggage and bags and bags of duty-free shopping bags that take up pretty much all the space in the overhead compartment, and sometimes overflow into the stowaway area underfoot. And yet they still have room for more shopping as soon as they flip open the duty-free catalogues.Whackamole Wahids/WahimasYou just cannot contain this bunch. Seatbelts are apparently made for other people. You’ll find flight attendants doing double duty throughout the flight, rounding them up and ushering them back to their seats whenever the plane hits turbulence, but they’ll spring right back up the moment they sit down. And without fail, as soon as the rubber hits the tarmac, they’ll be out of their seats even before the plane has parked.